Life — September 14, 1928 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

¥ | McGluke SPORTSMEN and SPORTS Football Training A FooTsaLL was observed in full flight recently, a sure sign that overemphasis is about to burst over the horizon again,) Each and every citizen should set about preparing himself for the coming grid- iron campaign according to the part he will play under the revised rules. Yes, the rules have been revised again—just a few touches but that needn't make any difference, since no- body knew the old rules except the officials who wrote them, and they only knew what they were. They didn’t know what they meant. quential except as an elegant weapon for squashing an Srpopent in a controversy. Just suggest coolly to him that he read the rules. Insist on it. Don't give him a chance to turn your flank or start an air attack. | If he has any sensible idea of the task you are attempting to thrust upon him, the chances are that he will run for his life. Of course, he may be foolish enough to take your advice, and acquire a copy of the rules, and try to read them, in which case he probably will go crazy; and nobody pays any attention to crazy people except wrestling promoters, who make a living oy providing crazy people with amusement. ws og That disposes of the rules. Now for the coaches. The usual way for a coach to harden himself for what is to come is to The rules, there- fore, are inconse- seat himself in the training quarters in front of a phonograph which squawks AtuieTic Unperwear Users Getrinc Tuer Money’s Wortit out something like this: “Jenkins j broke a leg aie in\ practice scrimmage, as been flunked cue we faculty. Peter Piper has the pip. The man. ager says there are no more towels. The referee said it was unnecessary roughness, Irate alumni demand resignation of Coach Whoozis. Not a kicker on the team, No, the squad will not be allowed to cx Friday classes to make that sleeper jump, You'll take that referee or the game is off, Your quarterback just made a great to the opposing end. Etc., etc., ad lib.” After listening to this daily for a couple of weeks, a coach can stuff cot. ton in his ears and go about his work with calm despera tion. The players don't have to harden them. selves. The coaches will take care of that. But, of course, if any player is impatient and wants to hurry the operation, he can hop into the business end of a concrete mixer. If he comes out the far side, it’s a sign that he will last as far as the second quarter in the third game. That's the general idea all the way down the line. A cheer leader can tune up by matching his voice against the lions during feeding time at the nearest 200, College presidents can have an assort- ment of bitter letters read aloud to them, half of them beginning: “I protest against the pagan spirit of sport which is debauching the cultural ideals—" and the other half beginning, “I protest against the neglect of athletics that has aflowed our football prestige to sink—" and so on. The spectator has to harden himself to a number of things, including: @) Buying chrysanthemums at prices that make your teeth chatter with fright if they aren't already chat- tering with cold. Digesting lunch-counter sandwiches made of a slice of bird's-eye maple placed between two thin slabs of yellow pine. ¢) Being poked in the eye by cans whenever somebody throws a for ward pass. Drinking whatever the other guy has in his flask. ¢) Snow, rain, ice, hail, special trains, frozen feet, group singing and ra coon coats. There's more than that to it, but thit will do for the moment. Getting down t0 >) @) \\\ comicbooks.com