Life — August 23, 1928 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

crereer mere. ; “YOU CAN’T LOSE”— Except Maybe in the Last Race Tus is all about how to pick five winners in six races every day, a consummation devoutly to be wished by everyone who is interested in what—for no apparent reason—is called “improving the breed” of galloping equines. As each auto swings out of the gate after the finish of the last race at Sara- toga, for instance, a number of men and boys posted at that point drop printed leaflets into the passing cars. These leaf- kets vary in color, typography and author- ship, but they are remarkably similar in one important detail. They bear public and practically unimpeachable evidence that “Long Shot Sweeny” or “Wendell the Turf Wizard,” as the case may be, has picked five winners for his Tucky “subscribers” that very day. The leaflets may run something like this: “TODAY! TODAY! DON'T MISS THE KILLING! Our subscribers are warned to get down early. First Race: Mugwump. Our clockers know this nag can’t’ miss. Second Race: TODAY'S Special, FLYING WHEELBARROW. Sure to be a long shot. Third Race: EXTRA SPECIAL, LIMBURGER II. Go strong to this one. Fourth Race: THREE STAR EXTRA _ SPECIAL, FIRST MORTGAGE. This one is home already. Fifth Race: TODAY'S THREE STAR EXTRA SPECIAL GUARAN- TEED WINNER (Don’t pass this tip. For our subscribers only), MELTED BUTTER. The softest thing yet. Don't slip up on this. Sixth Race: Caterwumpus. Worth a bet if track conditions and odds are right.” These are the principal points of in- terest, but there are other little items to the effect that the leaflets are for sale every morning at 11 a.m. for the price of $2; weekly subscriptions $5, and why gamble? Why not invest with Long Shot Sweeney or Wendell the Turf Wizard? Looking down at his program, the racegoer will discover that, sure enough, these astounding soothsayers have picked five winners in a row and for the price of $2 and a starting bet of a fiver, a “subscriber” of that morning should be riding away from the track a winner by something like $13,450 or maybe more. What philanthropists! Giving all that in- formation away for $2, prepaid! Why didn’t they keep it to themselves and buy the whole of South America for a winter home? The most remarkable exhibition of all, however, was the day at Saratoga when one of these leaflets “For Sale at 11 a.m.” named a winner that was a last-minute post entry in a race that started at 3:45 p.m. This exhibition was never repeated because it had almost fatal consequences. Thousands of regular railbirds nearly laughed themselves to death. There was a chap who, lured by the indisputable evidence, invested $2 in one of these valuable leaflets at 11 a.M., played the selections that afternoon for all he was worth and thus ended all his financial worries. At tht end of the day he had nothing to worry about. Not a cent. As he left the track he stared at a leaflet that was shoved in his hand. It looked like the leaflet he had purchased at 11 A.M. Tt was by the same illustrious author. But all the selections were different except in the last race, and that horse happened to be the only one that lost. Woe, woe, unutterable woe! The dis- illusioned one learned that the leaflets sold comicbooks.com