Life, 1928-08-02 · page 25 of 36
Life — August 2, 1928 — page 25: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces: **"Ballade of Serious Warning to the Approaching Theatrical Season"** (poem by Emanuel Eisenberg): A satirical poem mocking theatrical clichés, particularly the overworn line "Pull yourself together, kid." The poet expresses exasperation at repetitive dramatic conventions in stage plays. **"The Taxi Driver Teaches His Wife How to Drive"** (attributed to Scott Brown): Humorous monologue depicting aggressive, reckless driving behavior as normal—speeding, cutting off pedestrians, splashing water on people. The satire likely critiques dangerous urban driving habits and masculine bravado common to the era. **SPUD Cigarettes Advertisement**: A full-page ad promoting Spud as a "cooler" cigarette (16.3% cooler, per a "Tobaccometer" device). The ad claims scientific validation through testing of leading brands. This represents typical early-20th-century cigarette marketing that made health-related claims now considered fraudulent. The page mixes literary satire and humor with period advertising reflecting attitudes toward smoking and driving of that era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
re be itcher Estar ; sup arid.” Spas Iwyn- Lately Layer using Goll. send 1 air. thaps too). upen: over h at. nents 1 the T an ee Ballade of Serious Warning to the Approaching Theatrical Season For a legion of first-nights I have quite remarkably Squelched the urge to kicks and bites ‘At each witless pageantry; Now I've altered utterly; They shall hear me in Madrid If once more hear that plea: Pull yourself together, kid.” Others may go off like kites At “You mean—?"” and “Now I sce All" and such depressing rites Learned at Mother Drama's knee. “Why d’you tell all this to me?” Does not make me crush my lid. Only this will cause débris: “Pull yourself together, kid. Certain lines are not such frights If they're spoken with esprit: Look at “Who turned off those lights?” — That can still be sung in key. “Let me get this straight” may be Used and used... .but actors bid | For swift death when this sounds free: “Pull yourself together, kid.” L’Envot Prince of playwrights, leap with glee— Think of what your mind is rid: No more murder mystery! Pull yourself together, kid! Emanuel Eisenberg. The Taxi Driver Teaches His Wife How to Drive “Tuar's it, kid, faster. Now stop real quick an’ sce if you can make that old guy right in back bump into us. No, you didn’t do it right—his brakes didn’t even squeak, an’ he ain't even sore. Now real slow an’ right up the middle of the street —no, over on the left side—there, that nts to go around—go back in , don’t leave him go around— yeh, that’s it. Now look back at him and laugh. Ha, ha, look at th’ poor sap. Now speed up again—act like you're goin’ to | make a left turn—there, now turn to th’ right real quick an’ see how close you | can come to those boobs crossin’ th’ street. Ha, look at ‘em scamper. Now se how hard you can bump that new car ahead. Fine; listen to him squeal. Now | hit that_mud puddle th’ same time the strect car stops an’ try to splash water oxer all th’ people what's gettin’ off... . . Naw—that splash wasn’t so good; you didn't get any on their faces. Step on it now an'——ete.”” Scott Brown. A FAIRY STORY Once upon a time there was a Newspaper | Racing Expert who played his own se- lections, The tobaccometer rates them... Bulb draws smoke from cigarette through the apparatus. A sensitive thermometer tegisters temperature of the smoke. Your temperature IN CIGARETTES ? Have you ever considered the temperature of cigarette smoke? Consider Spud. Spud is 16.3% (Cent.) cooler! That’s what science says...says it in cold, unbiased figures through the Tobaccometer. Chemists operating this extraor- dinary little device recently tested two dozen leading brands...Turk- ish and Virginia, high-brow and low-brow, thirty-five and fifteen cent varieties...at the rate of 10,000 “puffs” a day! It was a courageous but un- questionable way of proving Spud’s claim...of definitely com- pleting the enthusiastic experi- ence of hundreds of thousands; that Spud is actually and notice- ably a cooler cigarette. 0 fall in line, you cigarette en- thusiasts...you pack-a-day veter- ans and you after-meal beginners! Smoke Spud. Spud never ends up in any so-many-a-day discipline. Spud is lusty, unhampered to- bacco enjoyment. Spud’s frst puff starts it...a novel, delightful little sweep of coolness. Try several Spuds, one after the other, and know the brand-new cigarette sensation of a continually moist-cool throat. Read of Spud’s overnight success in the entertaining pages of "Wel- come, Little Stranger”. Free. Also send $1 for Presentation Tin of 100. THE AXTON-FISHER TOBACCO COMPANY, INC., Louisville, Ky. SPU EN THOL COOLED Cigarettes..20 for 2o¢ comicbooks.com