Life — July 5, 1928 — page 45: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Al Smith in the White House A Nightmare of Senator Heflin’s (The scene is the President's office in the White House. Al Smith, in shirt-sleeves and chewing a stick of gum, is bending over some papers on the desk. Presently he looks up and presses @ button at his elbow. Olvany enters, smoking a pipe upside down and wearing a shamrock in his buttonhole.) Ow Yis, sor, what was it ye wanted, begorra? Sautu (handing him a sheet of paper): Bejabers, and here is the St. Patrick’s Day proclamation, bedad. Oivany (taking it): Yis, sor. (Prepares to go out, but uses, comes to attention, and salutes.) Erin go bragh! Smatn (returning the salute): Erin go bragh! (Olvany exits, Smith returns to work, humming “The Wearing 0’ the Green.” A knock is heard at the door.) Situ: Yis! Come in! (An attendant trundles in on an Irish jaunting car.) Attenvant: Sor, the Pope is outside. Ssairn: Sind him in. (The attendant wheels out again, and presently the Pope enters. He lays his miter on a table and takes an easy chair.) Tue Pore: Top o' the mornin’ to ye. Satu: I wish yez the same.....Sure and I did what ye told me to, yisterday; the immigration laws have been modi- fied to admit eight thousand Irish tenors a month, duty free. Tue Pore: The Lord bless ye, colleen bawn. And now, as to the housing situation: I suggest that you order some tumble- down shacks covered with moss and ivy to be erected in O'Klahoma. Sauru: Besides thim new castles in McKansas? Tue Pope: Yes, bejabers.....Did yez deshtroy all the Bap- tist churches in Tinnissee, as I told ye? Sartu: Faith and I did—an’ converted all the Shtate Uni- versities into Franciscan monasteries. Tue Pope: The Saints be praised.....Well, bedad, that's all for this mornin’. I must be afther meetin’ Chauncey Olcott at the Blarney Stone Shoppe at twilve.....Good mornin’ to ye, macushla. (He goes out. President Smith picks up the telephone.) Smit: Sind in the Cabinet—at wance. (The Cabinet marches in—Secretary of State, Jimmy Walker; Secretary of War, John ]. McGraw; Secretary of Labor, John McCormack, etc.) Satu: Now, ye shpalpeens, I want to tell ye somethin’; it has been drawn to my attention that certain subjects of the Holy American Empire has been caught in the act of observin’ some law entitled the Volstead Act to Enforce the Eighteenth Amindmint. This law did not come from Rome, an’ anny wan who takes notice of it from now hinceforth shall be declared a heretic an’ sintinced to slow boiling in oil that will be fur- nished by our good friend Doheny... .. (At this point, Senator Heflin wakes up and realizes that he has been talking in his sleep, through force of habit.) Norman R. Jaffray. Why I Don’t Play Golf “You oughta play a good old eighteen holes every day, old man. Make you feel like you could lick th’ world.” eo e “I wanta tell you a good one I heard in th’ locker room this afternoon. It seems there were two traveling salesmen... .”” eee “You'd be crazy about Apache Plains Club. A bunch o’ good fellows—and mighty democratic, I'll say.” eee “IT was in a foursome with Old Man Smith, President of Marvelous Motors, you know. And he said to me... .” McC. H. Wetzel Letablished 1476 2and 4 E Forty-Rourth Street NEW YORK TO HAVE served three | generations of a distin- guished clientele is evidence of Wetzer’s ability tocreate || good will and to retain it. more are the leading builders of high grade ewer ndardizing on the Kermath Big 6 in either the or 150 HLP. Models. And they do this solely for son—in competition Kermath outperforms the fle d. tng telegram from the Hanfield Sea Skiff Works 1s “Test just completed with 150 HL P. Kermath in our 32 foot cruiser shows speed of 30 miles per hour. This is remarkable performance and we give you all the credit in the world for turning out such a motor.”* Send for the new Kermath catalog. Write for your copy toiay. KERMATH MANUPACTURING COMPANY ‘5870 Commenweatth Ave. Detroit, Michigan 90 King St W., Toronto, Ontario KERMATH ALWAYS RUNS” comicbooks.com