Life — June 7, 1928 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolish LIFE Baron (sternly to his retainers on church parade): Caitiffs, let me have no more com- plaints from the Friar! He tells me that the col lection last Sunday consisted mainly of nuts and bolts. —Loxvox Caine ONE GLEAM OF JOY Tosmty had two presents at the same time—one a diary, which he kept very carefully for a while, and the other a pea-shooting pop-gun, which he fired indiscriminately on all occasions, One day his mother found the following terse record in the diary: Tuesday cold and sloppy—shot Grandma. “Monday cold and sloppy. Wednesday cold and —America’s Humor. THE OF DRINK Div you read about that mouse in Baltimore that stepped on the trigger of Mr. Robert King’ ride and shot Mr. King through the thumb? Well, we'll bet they had both just come up from te basement.—Milwaukee Sentinel Tins placard in a physician's office at- tracted attention: ‘‘Ladies in the ante-room will please not exchange symptoms, It gets the doctor hopelessly mixed.""—Lowiseille Courier-Journal. Tie autoist, we suppose. calls it Tail- light Saving time.—Chicago Evening Post Tue Gotrer: Look here, my man, we can't have you lying about here! Weary Wittit: Oh, and '0o are you? Tue Gorrer: I'm the Secretary of this Golf Club. Wraay Witwie: Well, that ain't the way to get new members! —Humorzist (Lonvon).° “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” POEM FOR JUNE IT wisit I were a Buddha Sitting in the sun; With all the things I ought to do All, all done.—Harvard Lampoon. INTO THE SILENCES For fifteen minutes the other day, writes Dr. Brisbane, President Coolidge ‘‘contemplated a horned toad that sat in a glass bowl on his ma- hogany desk and blinked.”* Among the fall books will be another Sinclair Lewis masterpiece entitled, ‘The Toad that Knew Coolidge.""—Chicago Evening Post. Give (proudly): And this—this is the Castle of Sternfels Tourist: Yeh? What pitcher was it built for? Gwe: But, my dear fellow, this schloss was erected in 1392. Tourist: Well, I never did care for them early films. —Grorce Wasnincton Guost. THE GOOPS UP-TO-DATE (Thank You, Mr. Burgess.) Goors leave traces everywhere— Gin left underneath the chair, Empty bottles in the hall, Show that Goops have been to call; Corks and glasses on the floor Show where Goops have been before! —Boston Transcript. Ir all of the billboards in the United States were placed end to end they would reach just as far as they do now.—Louisville Times. Russta now reports that Trotzky is alive, and kicking. Naturally!—Detroit News. Contemporaries Gurst: How glorious the air is! New Owner: Yes, my air's great, ain't if —Lustice Butter (Busty), INSPIRATIONAL To ixvertst and instruct a local class of boys of the sub-normal type, speakers in many lines have given their best efforts. The program te cently was given by a banker, who explained the workings of the institution, and then answered questions which were asked by the youngsters The talk was designed to impress the boys with the importance of thrift, honesty and am bition, The speaker was therefore surprised when ose of the boys came to him after the me inquired earnestly: “Say, mister, can you burn through one of them big vault doors with an electric torch?" —Youngstown Telegram g and SERVING THEM RIGHT A youxe woman hastened up to the manager of a local stock company, so they say, and asked for a job in a show. “What experience?" they asked her. ‘I haven't had any experience,” she repl “1 just had an awful fight with my and his family so 1 decided to go on the st and embarrass them.""—Goblin (Toronto). “Fixpixc the campaign interesting asked the Presidential candidate. “Well,"" he replied, ‘I certainly am learning a lot about my past I never knew before.” —Cincinnati Norte can be falser than a truism. —Ohio State Journal “Ob, Ragnar, how brave you are!" —Sonpacsnisse-Strix (STockHotM)- A com auton hand despair the Du to the “Th combir two a Swell, 3% © 3h in. are at 3 of soli blower pwenty “Sto buy th We su; even m Lire comicbooks.com