Life — June 7, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tre Nationat Association or Cicarette INporsers Meets in Convention with the assistance of Messrs. Watson and Curtis, and the enthusiastic approval of Frank O. Lowden, will make hideous noises at night and tell horrific tales at morn, until at the mere thought of nom- inating Mr. Hoover, delegates will send out for bromides and sedatives. At that point Mr. Hoover's strength will disap- pear and somebody else — possibly Mr. Lowden or Mr. Dawes—will be nominated, It may. work out that way, and prob- ably would work out that way if Mr. Hoover's opponents had a real candidate—somebody who was really “available.” The prospect is, how- ever, that Mr. Hoover will put his enemies to flight. One thing is certain—that the Secretary of Commerce, who jumps at his own shadow, is going to have an un- pleasant time next week. I suggest that he devote himself to Foreign and Do- mestic Commerce, Fisheries, Lighthouses and Patents, and avoid receiving sets, lest an ejaculation of static on the first ballot deceive him into thinking the fight is won. eee Tue Convention of next week, because of the drive on Mr. Hoover, will be of greater interest politically than the Dem- ocratic meeting at Houston toward the end of the month. The Democratic Con- vention will have more sparkle and flavor, but its result is a foregone conclusion— the nomination of Alfred E. Smith. There are some intelligent but ill-advised Dem- ocrats who want a Wet plank in the Democratic platform; a number of Meth- odist Bishops threaten to descend on the Convention to demand a high percentage of aridity in the same document. There are still persons who take this platform business with profound solemnity, despite the fact that a formal declaration of prin- ciples has very little influence in this age. “Just think—my kid brother is in the adoles- cent stage already.” “Is he? I didn’t even know he was sick.” The Democratic platform of 1916, which promised to keep us out of war, is holding down a file of newspapers in the writer's office, while a yellow volume on a shelf contains Warren G. Harding's declaration of eight years ago in favor of an Association of Nations, The Dem- ocratic Convention of 1928 may argue to its heart's content over Prohibition, but after Alfred mith has been President for eight years—if fate so decrees—it will be no easier and no harder to get a drink. Henry Suydam, My Uncle My Uncre Burnet says he misses the American theater of Augustin Daly and John Drew and Ada Rehan and Tony Pastor and Lillian Russell. My Uncle Burnet says it was a damn shame when the American theater w Lee and Jake and Abe and Mark a Fannie Brice and Al Jolson and Irving Berlin. My Uncle Burnet says he wishes he and the American theater were back in the days of the Goy Nineties. John Lynch. Cotteciate Son: Father, can you give me a position in your business? Fatuer: Yes, if you will agree to start in at the bottom and wake up. Svecesteo Democratic S10 gan: “Al's right with the world.” (Aero, comicbooks.com