Life — May 17, 1928 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“You Can’t Win!” “Biturncscate, three, eight, one, five, ease..... Yes, the number is Billings- n. If gate, three, eight, one, five.....1 said, rong | Sid 1, I was calling ‘Billingsgate, three, aw: Tight, one, five.’....No. No! Nol!!! Not now | three, one, eight, five, but Billingsgate SO it | three-hee, hay-hate, wa-hun, fi-haf! Yes, i at | that’s it! You're a smart girl! Who's ough | wearing? I said you were a smart girl. Even Smart! Bright! Ha-ha, clev-hah!.... Where are you? Say, where are you?.... What number do I want? What number do I want! Oh, my God, what number do I want? Hey, listen, who do I have to know to get Billingsgate threeece, ay-at, wuh-hun, fi-hive? Do I have to have a ard, or join anything? Want me to write you a letter, or something? I want. ... ....1 said I wanted Billingsgate three- cight-one-five and I can talk four lan- guages, just tell me the one you under- stand best and I'll rattle it right off! sees Traffic Manager? So you're the Trafic Manager! And you'll take out the ‘phone if I talk that way, will you? Well, that's great! Can I depend on that? Splendid! Wonderful! Why, you're mar- velous! Sure, I'll tell you, I was vainly striving to talk with a person or persons at Billingsgate three, eight, one, five. But don’t do it if you've had a hard day or anything. I want you people to have your proper rest! Sure, I'll wait........ enosimesyaiebieihierate ds They don’t answer? Now I'll tell one. But never mind. Maybe their two-year-old son shaved himself and has hopped off for Bourget Field; that wouldn't leave anyone home. But what number were you ringing? Billingsgate three, five, eight, one? Oh, you were, were you? That was fine; great! It’s not the right number, but don’t bother. -++ | Don't you trouble yourself. The party I | and} want lives in the apartment right below rretch. | me. I'll walk downstairs and sce ‘em! Yeah, EM! And if that charming ‘ay 10) what he said about tal .s+++ 1 out—well, that'll be all right, too. Don’t now. | mention it..... " ulda't Tom F. Barry. THE ULTIMATE Jisxs: So Givvins is lazy? Binks: Yeah, he’s so lazy he'd rather listen to a bedtime story than turn the dial, Corus Girt: I’m afraid my reputa- ton is ruined. Hrr Lawyer: That's fine! Our for- tunes are made. “T say, Oswald, get me a violin solo on the radio, with perhaps just a dash of flute.” The Baseball Influence Hits the Law Courts Trafic Manager of eo really meant] Te Juoce: Guilty! Thirty days in the ing the instrument] workhouse! Tue Prisoner: Aw, go buy a pair of glasses! Guilty my neck! I was away from the scene of that crime by a mile! Tue Juoce: Can that back-talk before you get a trip to Sing Sing. Who's judg- ing this case, you or me? Prisoner's Lawyer: Not guilty! Ain’t- cha got no sense, ya sap? Anybody can see he didn’t do ied Prosecutinc Attorney (running up to the scene armed with a heavy book): Sure he’s guilty. Try to pull any more of that stuff and I'll sock you with this! Tue Prisoner: Aw, to hell wit’ youse and your lousy decisions! Why don’t ya get a job in the bush courts instead o’ tryin’ to look wise around here in the big time? I ain't afraid of no suspension! (At this point the audience, always solidly behind the home criminals, ad- vance en masse on the Judge.) Avotence: Lynch him! Robber! Blind man! Get a microscope! Not guilty! Not guilty by ten city blocks! Kill the Judge! Tue Junce: All right—you're under arrest—the whole bunch of you. And if you don’t like it, send a wire to Judge Landis, (He retires, under a heavy escort of police.) Parke Cummings. Perricoat Rute, about which we used to hear so much, is now more ap- propriately referred to as Invisible Gov- ernment. comicbooks.com