Life — May 10, 1928 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Ove dark night when all was still, In the Booby-Hatch upon the hill A figure was seen by the light of the moon To slide down the drainpipe whistling a tune. And the tune he piped so light and gay Was “Over the Hills and Far Away.” He wore his gloves upon his toes, And a monocle hung beneath his nose. His suspenders consisted of razor strops, And his topcoat was made out of beer- bottle tops. His shoes ere held to his socks with a tack, And were made out of straw and they laced up the back. He had his initials tattooed on his teeth And an oilcloth vest and no clothes un- derneath. His effect on the crowds was hilarious And they put to him questions various. “Where did you come from, cuckoo dear?” “Out of the bughouse into the here.” “Why did you leave the funny shelf?” “You see, it’s like this: sez I to myself, I'm tired of nuts and I'm fed up on bugs, And I want to get out among sensible mugs, Where people ain’t crazy—and if you're through Begging your pardon, now I'll ask a few. “Who's that sitting on top of the pole? What’s his racket and what's his goal? Its nine days now that he’s up in the air Cuckoo Dear By Milt Gross And traffic is stopped while le stare. Give me the lowlown-—tell Eo aky He's spending his life up there in the sky.” “Cuckoo Tes lease don’t be bitter, He's just a protessional flag-pole sitter, He sits up there for no earthly reason, And he fasted in a glass case last season.” “What's that mob over there in a huddle?” “Our leading professors all in a muddle; Nothing can save the patient’s life But some speedy work with a carving knife.” “What's that cheering they can’t sup- press?” “The operation was a success.”” “Who are those ladies dressed in white?” “His nurses by day and nurses by night. Pajamas of silk and baby eggs, Plenty of air and milk in kegs His convalescing hours will gladden Till he’s as fit as Bernarr Macfadden. You see, he’s got to be just right, For he’s due to hang next Friday night. Cuckoo dear, would you like to go, Or would you prefer a movie show?” “How do these movie shows com- mence?” “They always start with the news events.” SH-H-H-H!! 1!!! eee Peaches Heenan and Daddy Woof Shaking hands with Professor Sploof, A hamburger sandwich in his pocket, Bound for the Moon in a home-made rocket. eee And Mrs. Van Whiffle DePeyster Crunch Addressing the Lorgnette Lifters’ Lunch; The dice are bouncing—they’re raising dough To stamp out gambling in Borneo. ee @ A dot on the darkened screen expands Into an ocean of restless sands, Lizards crawl ‘neath the topaz sky And over the sagebrush buzzards fly, And the iris circling out unveils A girdle of tics and blazing rails Which vanish in crinkly waves of heat, Where sky and rim of the desert meet. “Each tie was laid at a terrible price, Each driven spike spelled some sacrifice, Valiant pioneers suffered and died That you and I and our kids might ride.” And now where the sand and the blue converge, Moving forms toward the camera surge. In B. V. D.’s a mighty host Is running on foot from coast to coast. “What on earth are they bent upon?” “Los Angeles—New York marathon!” “Where are you going, lunatic?” “Back to the bughouse double-quick, Where the daffydills do pirouettes Over the hills with butterfly nets, Leaping about after winged elves, And all the cuckoos talk to themselves; Where the locoes laugh and the goofies grin And every dog thinks he’s Rin-Tin-Tin! We'll raise the walls a yard or more And put a padlock on the door, And build the bars in the windows stout To keep the sensible bozos out!” comicbooks.com