Life — May 10, 1928 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“If ya wanta play baseball wit’ us, ya gotta go out in th’ field.” tree, I was always sure to hit it. That's what must have happened when I aimed at Mr. Johnson.” And, of course, whatever turn Mr. Johnson’s wound may take, we can't penalize Mrs. Johnson. There’s no law in New York against a lady's shutting her eyes. Edmund Pearson. SUMMER SIGNS “Say, Silas, you go and take them boards off the windows in that old spare room. I don’t think it will get very wet in there if it rains just a little bit, and then you'd better put buckets under those holes in the roof so when it does rain the water won't run down through the floor into the kitchen. Then you go out to the dog- house an’ bring in that old straw mat- tress. I guess it won't hurt the dog to sleep in the barn the rest of the summer. After that you nail one end of that old bed to the floor and brace it so it won't fall down so casy. Those two chairs there should be fixed the same way. Then you go out to the chicken house and bring in that old pitcher I been a-feeding the chickens with, and that old glass and cake of soap out by the horse trough, and while you're about it get that broken mir- ror in the tool shed. Then this afternoon you'd better go to town and see if that sign painter has our ‘Tourists Comfort- ably Accommodated” sign finished.” Scott Brown. A Nose for News “PART-TIME woman desires situation; 5 Malden st; Hancock 4358.” —Advertisement in Boston newspaper. “Reo-Hor Mamma—don’t you try to part-time me.” “LIQUOR-LADEN AUTO FOUND OVER- TURNED } R ALEXANDRIA “Sixty-four Half-Gallon Jars Are Discov- ered in Wreck at Hunting Creek “LEGION POST ARRANGES CELEBRATION” —Washington Post. Trust the war veterans to get there first. “NEW SEX COMING “ANNOUNCEMENT Expectep IN Next Few Weeks” —Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch. Tuis ought to be the biggest event since the birth of the New Ford. “Mrs. J. F. Imbler called at this office to- day and asked modification of the story pub- lished last week, in which it was reported Mrs. Imbler and a young lady friend had a scrap with Mrs. Imbler’s husband and the latter's shirt was torn off. It appears that the shirt was not torn entirely off.” —Logansport (Ind.) Pharos-Reporter. We urce the reading public to reserve judgment until we have heard Mr. Imb- ler’s version of this affair. Three Speeds Forward and One Reverse Doctor Bump, professional mind-reader, testifying: a “Up to the present, I have had unusy ally good luck in avoiding accidents in. volving my car. I can tell whether of not children are going to dart across the street ahead of me. I can anticipate the cop’s signal and act accordingly. The driver of a car immediately ahead of me can turn suddenly and without warning and my ability to read his mind is the only reason I bnew why I haven't had a collision before this. “I did slam into the rear of the plain. uff’s car, but only after I had done every- thing in my power to avert an accident. I swung to the left. I swung to the right. I jammed on my brakes. I mounted the sidewalk. I, too, missed the hen that was trying to dodge the car ahead. And then, with a clear road ahead, the _plaintif slammed on the brakes for no reason at all. “Your Honor, gifted as I am, I must admit I could not read that lady driver's mind.” Bill Sykes. Lawyer: Well, if you want my honest opinion— Cutent: No, no, I want your profey sional advice. “Mr. Van Hooey, meet my wife—one-piece sleeveless evening frock of taffeta, applied flounce dips low at one side, creating the chic uneven hemline—designed by Dodell— jewelry by Cartier—shoes imported by Char treuse — transformation by Moselle ed feather fan by Bogg’s Ostrich Farm.” comicbooks.com W th __?. Pees BD