Life — May 3, 1928 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 National Affairs THE PRESIDENCY, CONNIVANCE, THE SENATE, PROHIBITION AND THINGS LIKE THAT Laying the Dust @Traces of oil found in President Coolidge’s matutinal maple syrup have led to a general disruption of Washing- ton traffic and dcute speculation as to whether such oil turned up (if any) from the draining of the political crank case had best be used in the forthcom- ing campaign. @The situation has provided a scries of violent controversies between Sen- ator “Tom Tom” Heflin of Alabama, who scents a Popish plot, and Senior Senator Borah of Idaho, who roguishly maintains that oil applied to maple syrup causes fermentation resulting in an alcoholic content of more than one- half of one percentum.* @In the meanwhile and for breakfast, President Coolidge consumes codfish balls. . ° Comings & Goings They Rolled a “Natural” Seventeen high-school students from Glen Ridge, N. J., arrived in Washing- ton last week, covering the entire dis- tance on roller skates. The object of the pilgrimage was to visit “The President's Daughter” and collect her autograph. On being told that their journey was in vain, as “The Presi- dent’s Daughter” was pure fiction, the children departed, laughing heartily. But the President's dictumf stands, anyway ‘FOREIGN NEWS ‘The Portuguese, the Argentines, the Armenians and the Greeks Hands Off “Hands off” is the policy of the United States Government at Geneva, Senator Royal S. Copeland declares that Ropned y o [OH}) into maple syrup (CLOH], Co3 hgcl2brs) roduces nothing worse than a bad cold (Nacl OH]2 br2hg Co3 + H2s). tI do not choose to run.” (See back volumes of Time—The Weekly Newsmagazine.) With Apologies to T 1 M E Protsavrai’s Menton telligent reader. where the Second International Con- gress to Regulate Size and Color Scheme of Cigar Bands is now in progress. (Time, Dec. + to June 7.) Though represented unofficially at Geneva by delegates from American Tobacco Co. and allied industri “hands off” policy being strictly maintained. (Time, March 4 et seq.) rnmental attitude is ¢ sc y i ‘or Reed, who say so far as the Senate Committee on For- eign Relations is concerned, the Second International Congress to Regulate Size and Color Scheme of Cigar Bands can go jump in the lake which, I am informed, is quite handy to the Confer- ence Hall.* Our attitude. toward the whole childish business is ‘Hands Off!’ ” Too Many Parties and Too Many Pals? Conservative circles in Great Britain are viewing with alarm recent pranks of H.R.H. Prince of Wales. (Time, Aug. 8, Sept. 21, Nov. 4, Dee. 16, Feb. 27, Mar. 12, et seq.) The latest outrage is as follows: H.R.H. was week-ending at the Kent- ish estate of a prominent Duke. Ac- cording to an old Kentish tradition, whenever a Prince of the blood sets foot on Kentish soil, the largest carp *The Senator apparently refers to the Lake of Geneva, Swiss show-place. (a fish) in the Ducal moat is caught, cooked and served with maitre a’bitel sauce, Accordingly, when the Prince sat down to dinner, the carp was brought in and the platter on which it rested was passed to him. He turned to the butler and said, “No, I thank you,” adding that maitre d’hétel sauce dis- agreed with him. The Labor Party, as a result, js making substantial gains in Kent. Art, Science, Music, Medicine, Household Goods and Accessories Fiddle Up, Fiddle Up While excavating in the Eighth Av- enue subway (New York), Myron F. X. Schnick, thirty-two, and needing a shave something terrible, turned up with his spade twenty-four Stradivarius violins, each one bearing the signature of Button Gwinnett. Fortunately, all the violins were in very bad condition, and have been condemned by the De- partment of Plant and Structures.* They All Stuck Together Composed of 6,122,854,208 pieces of mosaic, some of them the size of a pea and the others little bits of things, a gigantic conception of the Birth of the Solar System has been completed by Ormon Whipsy of Vienna (American citizenship first papers taken out April 6). Enclosed in a special frame, the mosaic has been placed in the Boston Museum under the specially woven chenille rug in the main lobby. Ad- vertised as worth $58,000 (fifty-eight million dollars), it has already at- tracted a large crowd of moths. —p— Black Bottom Moorish pirates were unusually thick off the Barbary Coast last we: ing, burning or carving their initia the galleons Albert W. Smerdiakof and Jessie May Smerdiakoff, the frigates Tuna Fish, Peanut Butter and Anchovy Paste, and several ketches, pinks, wherries, smacks, hoys, lerrets, kedges and randans. The unfortunate crews with their officers were all put to the torture of the musical saw. These goings-on will ultimately result in the intervention of the United States. *A department devoted to the care and feeding of Plant and Structures. comicbooks.com