Life — April 5, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Henry, if you don’t stop having Hawaii on that television radio all the time, I'm going to throw it out!” The Packer’s Assistant By Robert Benchley HERE is a great deal in the art of packing a suitcase or trunk. I might even let it go at that and go on to some other subject. However, having got you all excited about the art of packing, it would be rather mean of me to leave you flat. At the risk of sounding methodical, I must advise making out a list of the things you want to pack before you even turn a hand to the actual work. In this v you forget only those things which you forget to put down on the list, instead of the old way of forgetting things haph ardly. If you run over in your every article of clothing that you are going to wear on any particular oc- casion on your trip, beginning with underclothes and working right on up through and including overcoat, hat and even Inverness cape, you can hardly miss anything. For example, suppose you are go- ing hunting with a falcon. You stand very still with a pencil and paper, ready to jot down the items, and say to yourself (not loud enough to be heard, or they may not let you go), “Falconry shirt and running- pants—socks—old green sweater— kilt—dress-shoes—hood for faleon— falcon for hood—and derby.” As you say each one of these, write it down on your list, and when you have fin- ished you will have a neat little list, suitable for framing, and you will feel easy in your mind about not hav- ing forgotten ything, unless possi- bly the trousers. And with a kilt, you won't need trousers an: unless you are going to hunt after the sun goes down and it gets chilly. OW all this should be done on the morning of your departure —provided you are departing late in the afternoon. This will leave you plenty of time to do the thing right and check up on your list. Of course, there will be e accessories which you have to go out and buy, unless by some lucky chance you happen to live right in’ the room of a men's furnishing store. People do, you know. Lt us say that, having made out your list, vou find that you need some new studs and a tube of tooth- paste. One of the great natu- ral phenomena is the way in which a tube of tooth-paste suddenly empties. itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it i just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a (Please turn to page 42) “Nix on the coffee, Gus. Gimme a substitute. Subconscious Thoughts of a Young Man Proposing SINCE I cannot hope to kiss Helen’s lips or Sappho’s throat 1 am willing, pretty miss, At your feet to sigh and dote. You've no tresses bright that float Like Yseult’s—but what of this, Since I cannot hope to kiss Helen’s lips or Sappho's throat? Ninon’s perfumed artifice, Dido's fire, you lack, I note— I'll these lacks at once dismiss And my life to you devote (Since I cannot hope to kiss Helen's lips or Sappho’s throat), Elizabeth Dillingham. Grounds for Divorce? I was in the East. When he saw her, she was owned by a wealthy Merchant, who had many such as she; but she was more alluring and seemed of a milder disposition. He purchased her for a fair price, to- gether with a certificate of unity, which he treasured. The match proved to be a good one, and they were immediately united. But they had only been together a short time when he cast her from him, kicked her into the gutter and nearly stamped her life out. For she was only a ten-cent cigar, and he was boarding a crosstown bus for the West Side. dA. M.A. I'm too noivous lately.” comicbooks.com