Life — February 2, 1928 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Riddle HENAS in flimsy silks my steno goes: Item: a pair of pink and cobweb hose, Item: One frock, a three- or four- ounce sheath, And practically nothing underneath, I wonder that grim pulmonary ills Such as result from winter's gales and chills Do not with greater frequency assail Her slender frame and constitution frail. But in some strange and wondrous manner she, bronchial afflictions free, Goes through the storms of winter sans one cough, The while I sneeze my very whisk- ers off. wholly From And as I cough and likewise as I sneeze, I think upon that gray and ancient wheeze Which now of truth appears a very pearl: Oh, Heaven does protect the work- ing girl! For, tell me, doubting brother, tell me what Protects the working girl if Heaven does not! Baron Ireland. Life SUST BETWEEN US GIRLS “M* dear, I could ACtually go 4VA MAD and BITE myseif at this point because I'm HONestly so iRATE I could CHEW CHIVES, no less! I mean simply EV’ry- thing’s been ABs'lutely aSKEW and aSKANCE all WEEK, my dear, and I’ve been in a perfect FLIT because this odd YOUTH, Walker TIDwell, who I hadn’t seen for Hons SUD- denly arrived in TOWN, my dear, and called me UP and said he'd simply HAVE to SEE me because he was only going to be HERE just for a SEC and of COURSE I had a DATE that night with Tom DRIBble, my dear, and I simply LOATHE breaking a DATE with any one only I think in a case like THAT it’s ABs'lutely JUStified, so I called Tom UP, you see, and, my Proressor: What did you learn about the salivary glands? Git: I couldn't find out a thing, Professor. They’re so darn secretive. dear, he was SIMply obNOXious about it and got all hot and BOTH- ered, no less—can you BEAR it, my dear? But I told him if he was going to act THAT way about the situation I didn’t give a WHOOP- de-doodle and, my dear, he simply rang OFF without another WORD and I s’pose he’s TERribly HURT or something but I think it’s per- fectly riDIC because don't you think it would have been AWfully RUDE, sort of,notto see this TI Dwell youth? But what do you think I ought to DO, my dear? I mean it’s not that I give a HOOT about SEEi or anything but I just f SORry for anybody that’s s SURD about anything like that be- cause it’s just themSELVES they're HURTing, do you know what I mean? But do you s'pose I ought to WRITE him and exPLAIN or something? Because Hons aGO he asked me to go to the BACHelors’ BALL with him next THURSday, my dear, and I simply don’t want TOM to think I’m of FENDED with him because I mean he’s prob'ly been looking FORward all YEAR to TAking me to it and I sort of think I ought to let him KNOW that BY- gones are BYgones and I'm _ per- fectly WILLing to GO with him even if he HAS made a FOOL of himself—I mean I ACtually AM!” Lloyd Mayer. Gone South IRST ESKIMO WOMAN: So your husband has left you again? Seconp Eskimo Woman: Yes. he’s up to his old treks, RUTH in advertising—“They groaned when I picked up the saxophone.” comicbooks.com