Life — June 9, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life Justice in Gehenna ATAN: I am glad because you, an authority on eti- quette, have come to hear my confession that I signed my name to an invitation written in the third person on cerise letter-paper with a typewriter and assured them that I would wear tan shoes to match the bridegroom's because it always pleased him to have thirty-two guests at the dinner party, making it unnecessary for right-handed persons to reach across their plates for the fish knives. But you can picture his confusion when he discovered that he had married her before he had been presented to her mother and when he was unable to give away the monogrammed silver used by his first wife it was obvious that he was pay- ing the penalty for serving tea in his bachelor quarters when my unfortunate friend, believing it was lettuce, ate aragus with his fingers; and he found himself ostra- d by his old set when he called it a crowd... . But, dear madam! You will find by turning to page 202 in your own book that it is boorish to interrupt: when the speaker. has no intention of holding the floor for more than a generation or two... (And so on throughout eternity.) Gerald Cosgrore. « HEAR Clare is trying to reduce.” “TM say she is. Jack asked her to go for, a ride last night and she insiste nd on walking both ways. G AFTER THE CIRCUS. UST BETWEEN US GIRL “MY dear, I'm simply a MASS of BRU ISes—I mean I ACtually AM, because I have been trying out this new iDEA w ich some POTsonous person thought UP about reDUCing by SWATting y swatter—can you E R it, my di EVer in your en TIRE young LIFE he: and RAUcous iDEA? But I mean when [ tirst HEARD about it 1 was frightfully in TRIGUED because the iDEA of SWATting yourself with a FLY swatter soso sort of uNIQUE id everything—I mean I was honestly TOO imPRESSED because it seemed rather a deLIGHTful il do you know what I MEAN? But [mean the odd SOUL who had this iDEA that you could reduce by SWAT ting yourself with a FLY swatter, of all THINGS, had it put in the PApers that it would ‘bring those PARTS prone to BULGE down to a most PLEASing ex- PANSI an you BEAR it, my dear? Well, ACtually I'm so MAD 1 could SPIT—I mean I am actu- ally ready to roll over and BUTter myself wi » T mean for a W von I have been SWATting myself all Over the PLACE without losing a POUND, my dear, and I mean if I were to appear in a BATHing suit | KNOW I'd look like NOTHing HUman—I mean I ACtually WOULD!” Lloyd Mayer. To a Young Lady About to Accompany Me to a Not Altogether Proper Play PREDICT that find too Many risqué situations. , Just react as you've a mind to At such ribald perpetrations. you may As for me, dear, it behooves me To proclaim purpose proudly, When a ripe occasion moves me I shall Jaugh both long and loudly. Parke Cummings. comicbooks.com