Life — March 31, 1927 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

First-Gold-Digger: WELL EVERYTHING? Second ARIE, 1OW'S Moron: The Successful Man According to the Advertisements E'S a thoroughbred, alert, am- bitious, vibrating with person- ality and good health, a business ex- ecutive, influential, prominent, from a home of affluence, and in Who's Who. He drinks milk every day and watches his throat, builds up his prepares for the future, goes through simple exercises, eats yeast after meals, sets out for Well- ville, and realizes that good taste in dress is a definite business asset, takes his smoking seriously, owns a jimmy-pipe, and pays a few cents more for his cigarettes which contain lots of punch but no punish- ment and are true to form as usual. He is a pal to his son, attends to his education by buying him an air rifle, and is the perfect host to all his friends by insisting on the right brands of ginger ale and getting new table silver and books on bridge, eti- quette, and interesting conversation and reads fifteen minutes a day from world classics, glances into Elbert Hubbard's Scrap Book, is at home with history, up on the drama, has a secret of mental growth and an en- eyclopedia in his home. He puts in all his time discovering just the right kind of shaving cream, the most satis- factory brand of lotion, and the only perfect self-sharpening, self- wiping razor that won't pull, scrape, or cut and the brush with the bristles set in rub- ber guaranteed not to fall out for twenty years and to hold plenty of lather in con- tact with the toughest beard and tenderest skin, a break- fast food with health for the whole family, and the one toothpaste with absolute pro- teclion and a fresh, in- muscles, vigorating taste, and when he has finished the day's work of testing shaving creams, sampling breakfast foods, experimenting on toothpaste, and looking for trademarks he may get down to his office for a few min- utes to make more money to buy that little country house in a fashionable suburb with modern plumbing, cen- tral heating and artificial ice. W.W. Scott. Sedate “PSX'T Bessie a fashioned girl?” “Yes, indeed! anything to do dances.” “No, indeed! She told me, “The Charleston was good cnough for my 0 I guess it’s good enough sweet, old- She with have new won't these Dazed you Smart RVERY- THING'S Just DAbbyY ! Life. Lines HE Government, we learn, is at- tempting to improve the quality of our one-dollar bills by the addition of a formula containing formalde- hyde. They're even trying to poison our money! aL A joint legislative committee is at- tacking the New York policy of dumping its filth into the harbor. In other words, ferryboat commuters must not throw their tabloids over- board. LL “The employes were held at bay at the point of guns, ‘This is one of the most darling hold-ups to occur in this section for many years.” —Medina (Ohio) Sentinel. In fact, it was just too adorable for words! JL The Supreme Court decision invalidating the New York ticket-scalping law probably means that theatregoers who have been paying 13.80 each for seats in the eighteenth row will here- after have to pay $13.80 each for seats in the eight- eenth row. Now that Carvin Cooter has vetoed the Farm Bill we think next summer would be a durn good time to get out the old overalls and do a bit o’ hay pitchin’. American Traveler (to rescu- ing St. Bernard dog): THANKS, OLD FELLOW, BUT HAVE HAD THAT BRANDY ANALYZED? The number of new golfers this season will be larger than ever, and that reminds us that now would be a good time to organize a Hook-of- the-Month Club. comicbooks.com