Life — January 6, 1927 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

History Professor: 1% WUAT YEAR DID CONSTANTINOPLE FALL? Girl: 1 How bip you If Girl: ou, UNE . TO REMEMBER THAT? R FORGET A DATE. Professor: A.D. 1926 (4s a slightly dotty newspaper reader might describe it to his grandchildren in 1950.) IDING the calling card which bore the finger- prints of the White House spokesman, Kenneth G. Ormiston and Mr. Kellogg decided that a Mexican invasion of Somerville, N. J., was imminent and called out Waynie Wheeler to reprimand Senator Simpson and his Cinderella who were trying to wheedle the bluetish away from Aimée Semple McPherson and Henry Ford was thrown off ‘“Peaches’” train because the “pig woman” was forced to wade through slush in Pennsylvania and Illinois and Willie Stevens issued a statement in which he said there were two Demo- erats in Philadelphia but it was rumored that they had fled to New Brunswick to hide in a blue trunk with Edward S. Browning shortly before the choir singer denied that it was another Los Angeles earthquake when District Attorney Asa Keyes found Loey Fuller's footprints in De- Russey’s Lane and the “lame duck” convened carly in Decem- ber to sleep through testimony that President Coolidge, was imprisoned in Senator Simpson's bungalow fifty miles southwest of the spot (See X in upper right corner) where Babe Ruth found “Two Gun” Norris and Queen Marie astride the Jenny mule. Gerald Cosgrove. Bad to Worse EW WIDOW: Oh, what could be worse than losing your husband? Oxp Wivow: Not being able to collect the insurance. The Age of Innocence OW I sigh for the days that forever are past, When, a happy and innocent Jad, I looked on the world from my doorway, aghast At all that was evil and bad. To be quit of the tricks and devices of men All the wealth I have won I'd give up. How I long to be back in the barn-yard again, Tying cans to the schoolteacher’s pup! The heart of a child bears no malice nor guile, His conscience recks nothing of wrong; But he loses the kindness that softens his smile As the callousing years speed along. The days of my childhood were sunr But alas! I shall know them no mor How I wish I were back in our elm-shaded street Throwing rocks through the neighbors’ front door! and sweet, We soon grow accustomed to ways that are base As we join in the soul-crushing strife For power and fortune, distinction and place In that gruelling battle called life. The dreams of our youth are all hoarded away In a room that no key unlock. How I yearn to return to that wonderful day When I pushed Reggic Green off the dock! I soon must arrive at the end of the quest But by dreams I’m no longer beguiled, For no more in my troubled and storm-beaten breast Throbs the pure, trusting heart of a child. Could I only be granted one poor little boon, One gentle and childish desire, I should ask to go back to that great afternoon When I set Perkins’ woodshed on fire! James J. Montague. PENT ten dollars on a nary last week.” That's nothing, I spent fifty on a “| NEVER KNEW YOU WORE GLASSES, CHARLIE.” “1 DON’T. THAT MARK ON MY NOSE IS FROM DRINKING CIDER OUT OF A FRUIT JAR.” comicbooks.com