Life, 1926-12-23 · page 22 of 37
Life — December 23, 1926 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking American social conventions: **"I Took Myself In Hand"** humorously inverts New Year's resolutions—the narrator resolves *not to stop* bad habits (smoking, drinking, neglecting exercise, keeping dirty razor blades) and claims success by maintaining these vices. The joke critiques how people make resolutions they'll break, so he's simply resolved to continue his existing failings. **"I Wish to Register a Complaint"** satirizes fashion's tyranny over men. The author complains that expensive accessories (cuff links, hats, shoes) become obsolete within weeks, forcing constant purchases to stay fashionable—a pointed critique of commercial fashion cycles that exploit consumer anxiety. **The remaining brief jokes** mock incongruity: Willie's mother being "dressed in her negligent" (negligée), and an absurd exchange where a car salesman claims 25-mile-per-gallon efficiency but the buyer logically asks where to find gasoline—implying the promise is worthless without practical supply. All target middle-class consumer culture and masculine vanity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
th great disgust): 1 THOUGHT THERE WAS HONOR AMONG TIIIEVES! I Took Myself In Hand D URING the past decade I have y not broken a single New rs resolution. To me there is nothing so objectionable as the spectacle of a human will doing a dive. Not that I have never been weak-willed myself — Lord knows I was as cowardly as. they come until ten years ago, when I took myself in hand. Here is my record: 1917. Resolved not to stop smoking. Made good. 1918, Resolved not to stop drinking. Made good. 1919. Resolved not to stop failing to read at least one good book a week. Made good. 1920. not to stop drinking. right on making good. 1921, Resolved not to stop tipping checkroom Made good. 1922. Resolved not to stop failing to exercise at least fifteen minutes cach day. Made good. 1923. Resolved not to stop putting old razor blades on top of medicine chest. Made good. 1924. eating too much. 1925, Renewed resolution Kept girls. Resolved not to stop Made good. Resolved not to stop ing the boss. Made good with a Resolved not to stop making resolutions which a human being can really keep. Loa a, T. G. WILLE (to visitor): I'm sorry, but Mamma’s dressed in’ her negligent, and can’t be seen. THE TIE THAT BLINDS I Wish to Register a Complaint For smart, conservative array T have a hopeless passion; But must I buy a suit each day, To keep abreast of Fashion? My ulster had a high lapel: A most distinctive peak; I liked it very much—but hell! That style went out last week. My cuff links and my studs were gold: I swapped them all for onyx; The former's only worn, I'm told, In Harlem or the Bronnix. My hats, my shoes, my dressing- gown— My evening clothes, my cane T'll have to disappear from town Till they're in style again. O Fashion monthlies, settle, picase, Some standard male apparel, Or I must ape Diogenes And occupy a barrel! Norman R. Jaffray. Famous American Tragedies “T DO.” “What number were you call- ing, please?” The Senate. “I bid six clubs.” “Abie’s Irish Rose.” “IT would have made that hole in four if. ‘i Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Rank Perjury O E there was a building i process of construction w carried the sign, “This Building W Be Occupied by the Nuxi- cated Rubber Goods Com pany on or Before February and it was occupied by the Nuxicated Rubber Goods Company on or before Febru- ary 15. UTOMOBILE MAN: With this can get twenty-five miles to the gallon of gasoline. Fair Proseect: Where do I get the gasoline? comicbooks.com