Life — December 16, 1926 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AR, COME ALONG TO TITE MILLI- NEA’S WITIT ME. 1 LET MY HUSBAND AVE THE LAST WORD FOR ONCE Last NIGHT—NE TOLD ME xO ‘BUY THE oy DAMN THING AND RE DONE witst IP’! —London Opinion, Fit and Counterfeit Av old colored woman, speaking of her son who had served in the World War and was now an invalid, said: “What hurt me most, miss, is to think how well he leave here, and den he come back counterfeit.” —Charleston News and Courier. Don't Miss the Boat Rervanen Tourist (to his friend): Well, I liked Paris and Rome but the best part of the whole thing was the trip over. Don’t miss that, whatever you do, if go to Europe! Hareard Lampoon. A uectenen says flappers’ clothes re- semble dishra He'd better leave the country before some flapper finds out what a dishrag looks like. —Arkansas Gazette, Ix Chicago a barrel of beer costs to make and sells at $60, leaving for ammunition. —Columbia (8. C.) State. ‘NICE LITTLE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE —WHAT bo You OWE THEM A MONTH?” —Scans-Géne (Paris). “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Perfect Behavior Tue boys and girls of a congested neighborhood were invited by their teach- er to write their own personal rules of life. The collection included the fol- lowing: “You must always be obigent, clean your neck, stand ereck, and swallow good fresh hair.” “Don't get nosey or hit anybody with cross eyes because it gives you bad luck.” “Never try to steal a dog's bone or you'll have no pants.” “Always live fair and never ask your father or uncle for money when they are drunk.” “Don’t steal from the Five and Ten and if you hit a girl you are a coward.” ery week you must have a bath and don’t do no murderin.”—Collier’s. Worse “Tur children need something new every week. You have no children, hence you cannot understand.” tand, old chap; T have an au- -Boston Transcript. Notuixe can be more an indisputable fact. —Ohio State Journal. disputed than Jones: WILL YOU JOIN OUR INDIGNA- TION MEETING TO-MORROW NIGHT, COLONEL? WE WANT TO MAKE STRONG PROTEST. Colonel Pepper: wrrt pieascnr, s ER—WHAT'S THE PROTEST ABOUT? Passing Show (London). Painful Thoughts “It makes me shudder to hear that woman next door driving nails. “But the noise is trifling.” “You don’t understand. She just came over and borrowed my silver-backed hairbrush.” —Lonisville Courier-Journal. A Real Beauty Secret “Thousands of women who have followed these simple directions now possess that clear complexion which is the foundation of every beautiful fake."—Advt. in a weekly paper. Tavtm will out.—Humorist (London). Jvp Tuxxins says when a man gives advice he is now suspected of speaking less in friendship than in salesmanship. —Washington Star. “wtAT, susTIN! BOASTING TILAT YOU'RE TIRELESS, AND 1 FIND YoU TaK- ING A NAP RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE oF THE APTE “WELL, IF 1 DIDN'T I'D BE JUST AS TIKED AS ALL THE OTHERS.” —Le Péle-Méle (Paris). Another Modern Father We can always tell what our daught Christine is writing to her beau by words she wants to know how to spell Yesterday she first called downstairs to know how to spell “dreary.” A few min- utes later she wanted to know how to spell “dismal,” and finally she asked how to spell “unutterable, It plain enough that she was describing life at home, and she could hardly be blamed for taking this view of it. You sev, she hadn't been anywhere or bought an thing for two hours, and, of course, it might have been expected that she would look upon home as a prison where she was languishing out her days. —Claude Callan, in Mileaukee Journal. was Add Vanishing America “Witar’s become o° th’ ole-time bride that used t’ flare up an’ go back t° her folks instead of a job?” —Abe Martin, in Indianapolis News. “Tur Home of Music—where is it?” asks a daily paper. In every house next door.—Everybody’s Weekly (London). Clerk (leaving): mow anouT a REr- ERENCE? Boss: you’... Get A JOB BETTER WITH- OUT THE ONE I'D GIVE you. —Smith’s Weekly (Sydney). comicbooks.com