Life, 1926-11-25 · page 35 of 44
Life — November 25, 1926 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical sketch about immigrant assimilation in early 20th-century America. A barber with a heavy Italian accent (represented phonetically as "Meesta Feesh," "haska," "whosa") repeatedly interrupts a customer's shave to ask questions about American history and civics—Thanksgiving, President Garfield's assassination, Edwin Booth, tariff policy, the Alaska Boundary Commission. The humor operates on multiple levels: the barber's malapropisms and broken English are played for comedy, but the sketch's real point is satirizing both the immigrant's earnest desire to become an "American citizen" through self-education and the absurdity of his questions. The barber studies history books but misunderstands what he's learning, confusing assassinations and confusing basic facts. The title "Educating Our Immigrants" is ironic—the sketch suggests immigrants' efforts to self-educate often produce confused results, while mocking both immigrant ambition and American complacency about integration.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Life Educating Our Immigrants Scene: A barber shop; possibly aclub barber shop, possibly not. HE BARBER: Howsa da T raz’? (Which is traditional.) Tue Customer (which is also traditional): Terrible! What did you do—excavate it at Pompeii? Tue Barser: Ha! Alla time you maka da jokus. You da grea’ fella, Meesta Feesh! Tue Customer (a Mr. Fisher): Sure. Tur Barser: Meesta Feesh, hi likea haska da quesh. Hi wanna loin some-a-teeng. Tue Customer: Tue Baraer: Shoot! Whatsa da date, pleeze, da fois’ Tanksageev'n? Da Puritan comeada Unitastates. Hitsa maka Tanksageev'n da foista yea’? Tue Customer: What the—I don’t know. Get on with the shave, will you? Tue Barner: Hexcusa, pleeze. Hi joos’ wanna loin some-a-teeng. You no get so’? Tue Customer: Certainly not. Of course you want to learn some- thing. Tue Barser (after an industrious pause): Meesta Feesh, hi haska you some-a-teeng helse. Whosa shoot Meesta Goffiel’? Tue Customer: Who the— oh, Garfield. Oh, that Garfield. Er— er— he wasn't shot, he was stabbed. Tue Banser: Fatha luvva Mike, Meesta Feesh, you alla time maka da jokus. Heetsa Meesta Boot’, no? Tur Customer: Why, of course. Sure— Edwin Booth. Tur Barner: Ho! Ho! foola me, Meesta Feesh. Meesta Wilkus Boot’ he’s shoot Meesta Lincol’. Heesa keel Meesta Goffiel’, Meesta Chazz Guiteau. Eetsa_be- cozz he’s no getta da jobbus. Datsa tight—no? Tue Customer (faintly): sure, Tue Barser (after another pause): We tock verry nize toget’, Hi haska you wan You no Oh, Meesta Feesh. mo’ quesh. Da Prasident from da Unitastates, he’sa got da pow’ to changa da rat’ from duty honna da himportis? Tur Customer (mildly indig- nant): Good Lord, Tommy, what do you think I am—the World Alma- nac? Tur Barser: No— no— no! You no getta so’, Meesta Feesh. Hi joos’ wanna loin some-a-teeng. Hi haska you some-a-teeng helse. You titcha me, hi shave-a you. Hi loin some-a- teeng, you getta da good shave. Joos’ wan more quesh, Meesta Feesh. We tock nize. Tur Customer: Well, what is it, then? (He squirms in anticipation.) One Hundred Things to Do at LOAF ACTIVELY. As in a golden mirror you can watch the world drift by at Venice. The surf of the Florida West Coast’s only mainland beach will come to meet you. Its most famous fishing grounds will offer you hours of thrilling sport. The beautiful hotels, with patios open to the tropic sun- shine, will serve you with fruit, vegetables, milk, and cream from Venice Farms. Golf, tennis, quoits are available with the amount of leisure too often lacking. The lovely Myakka River will unfold enchantments— THE VENICE COMPANY 103 Venice Blvd., Venice, Florida ing an wale you dream along through a fine hunt- fishing country. Hotel rates fixed at $5 to $15. Plenty of rooms at $5. Booklet. VENICE FLORIDA THE ONLY WEST COAST CITY ON A MAINLAND BEACH Tur Barner: Whosa, pleeze, da fois’ commissiona da Halaska Boun- day Delimitash Commish? Tue Customer (with justifiable annoyance): Say, what are you try- ing to do, kid me? Tue Barner: No! No! Per tutti gli santi, no! No keed, Meesta Feesh. Datsa verry serious! (He rushes to a closet and brings forth “A Short Constitutional History of the United States” and “Office Seekers’ Man- ual.”) Hi reada bookus. Hi study hod. Hi haska da quesh.... Tue Customer: Very commend- able. Splendid, Tommy. Buono ra- gazsz! Tue Barner: Shoo! Shoo! Hi wanna loin some-a-teeng. Han’ some- a-day, Meesta Feesh, some-a-day Hi'm gonna be good wan hunner pa- cent ‘Mercano citizen—joos’ likea youself! (He slaps a hot towel over the customer’s face, which may ac- count for the rosy hue that shortly transfuses it.) Curtain Henry William Hanemann. IGHTY pages of the best that LIFE can offer — the CHRISTMAS NUMBER — out next week! comicbooks.com