Life, 1926-11-18 · page 27 of 44
Life — November 18, 1926 — page 27: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine (circa 1896) contains several humorous vignettes satirizing American society: **"How to Be a Bank Vice-President"** mocks corporate bureaucracy by offering absurd instructions: sit idle, scowl constantly, keep a bare desk, intimidate subordinates, and repeat meaningless corporate phrases. The satire suggests bank executives succeed through affectation and pretense rather than actual competence. The final line—"Have uncle who is bank president"—reveals the joke's point: nepotism, not merit, determines advancement. **"Shortest Romance in Print"** jokes about financial irresponsibility: a wealthy man squanders his inheritance on nightlife with his girlfriend, leaving only two dollars for their marriage license. **Other brief items** (the sculptor/model exchange, the "Grad Meets Grad" dialogue, the laziness joke) are quick one-liners typical of *Life's* format. The overall tone satirizes Gilded Age American institutions—banking, social climbing, and romantic folly—through exaggeration and absurdist humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
L How to Be a Bank Vice-President RACTICE sitting for long periods of time gazing straight ahead and thinking of nothing at all. Scowl. Walk occasionally to window and_ stand looking tily out, twirling thumbs behind back. Scowl. Clear top of desk of all paraphernalia except clean sheet of green blotting paper. Draw pictures on blotting paper. Scowl. Learn to bawl out an office boy without fearing come- back Repeat the following sentences until you are letter perfect: “No, sir, Mr. Moddy will not be in to-day. Is there anything I can do?...Certainly, miss. George, bring the lady a new calendar. ...Well, some prefer the long checkbooks and some the folding ones....I1 am sorry, madam, but I fear you would not en- tirely under- stand the intrica- cies of the proc- If you could have your attor- ney call on me. ---Tell Mr. Morgan, Willie, that I can give him five minutes of my time at two o'clock... Foreign Ex change? Hmm. Well, yes, and no....I am go- ing out to lunch, Miss Stevens— won't be back.” At least twice ay call for the E-to-G Index, January, 1896. Cast cycs suspiciously up and down columns of Page 238. When you have gained attention of others, bring pad of paper from drawer and jot down the following: “Spring 1200; Chel- 6194; Yale 14, Dartmouth 7; 54-40 or fight; Apt. 3-B; 8.30 P.M., 54 West 74th, ring top bell.” Compare memoranda with Index. Have Index returned. Destroy memoranda, Call in A-to-C receiving teller (Mr. Nicoll) and ask him if everything is going all right. When he answers in affirmative shake head portentously but refrain from comment. Leave Mr. Nicoll with impression something ominous is in the air. Have uncle who is bank president. Nubbville Spark LUCIFER LOWNEY, WHO TOOK A TRIAL BATH IN HIS NEW BATH- ROE YESTERDAY, REPORTS THAT He MIGHT JUST AS WELL HAVE CLUMB INTO THE TUB WITIL HIS REG’LAR DUDS ON, Tip Bliss. Shortest Romance in Print HOMAS JAY HEMINHAW inherited sixty thou- sand dollars. So he invited his girl friend to take in a few night clubs. Next day they used the other two dollars for a mar- Tiage license. Grad Meets Grad “\ HY, hello, Dick, old man—how’s the bond game?” “Fine, thanks—how's the football business?” Sculptor: you say YoU WANT A JOB AS A MODEL? HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY EXPERIENCE? OM, DEAR ME, YES! 1 POSED FOR RODIN WHEN HE MODELLE: “THE THINKER.” Model: 100% American DITOR: Sce here, you've stolen the plot for your story from Balzac. Autuor: I did not! That's one of O. Henry's. YOUNG MRS. WILLERKINS IS $0 LAZY SHE PUTS POPCORN IN HER PANCAKES TO MAKE THEM TURN THEMSELVES, comicbooks.com