Life — May 13, 1926 — page 36: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis “OLD PAL, 1 KNOW How IT 18,” “yEan? Mow 1s 17?” —Yale Record. Bunkered ! Sarp a medical man: “I was house surgeon to a well-known asylum, and one day had some difficulty in getting a telephone number. The operator said something which I did not quite like. I asked, ‘Do you know to whom you are talking?’ ‘No,’ came the voice over the wire—‘but I know where you are!” —London Evening News. The Modest Violet “Personats” advertisement in a Georgia newspaper: “I offer my services to the public as literary writer on all subjects, whether sollum or joyfull, All-soe obituarist, giving departed friends glorious welcome to the hairafter."—Collier’s, Proup Fatner: What shall we call it? Foxp Morner: Let's call it Quits. —Chicago Phanisx. Flapper (to seamstress): MAKE MY DRESS AS SHORT AS GRANDMA'S, PLEASE. —L’Illustration (Paris). “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” How to Treat Elves I ser an elf man in the woods, The wee-est little elf! Sitting under a mushroom tall— 'Twas taller than himself! “How do you do, little elf?” I said. “And what do you do all day?” “I dance 'n’ fwolic about,” said he, “N" scuttle about and play; “I s'prise the butterflies, 'n’ when A katydid I see, ‘Katy didn’t!" I say, and he Says ‘Katydid!’ to me! “I hide behind my mushroom stalk When Mister Mole comes froo, 'N? only jus’ to fwighten him I jump out 'n’ say ‘Boo!” “ON then I swing on.a cobweb swing Up in the air so high, 'N’ the ewickets chirp to hear me sing ‘Upsy-daisy-die!’ “'N’ then I play with the baby chicks, I call them chick-chick-chick! 'N' what do you think of that?” said he. I said, “It makes me sick. “It gives me sharp and shooting pains To listen to such drool.” I lifted up my foot, and squashed The silly little fool. —Morris Bishop, in Saturday Evening Post. The Finishing Touch Tne Colonel was defending the climate of India. “All nonsense,” he said. “There's no better climate in the world, but there’s a lot of young fellows who come out to India, and they eat and they drink, and they drink and they eat, and they die, and then they write home to their friends and tell them that the cli- mate has killed them. Of course, lots of people die in India, but tell me any coun- try where they don’t, and I'll go and end my days there.” —wWecekly Telegraph (London). Hazardous “Do you know anything about shoot- ing craps?” “Yes, suh. I knows all about shootin’ craps. The trouble with ‘at game is that it takes you years and years of practice to learn how to play it and then some- body kills you the first time they catches you doin’ any of the stuff you's learned.” —D, A. C. News, “Wnat do you think of your valet?” “Corking chap! A real man’s man.” —M. 1. T. Voo Doo. Biacx-tiprep cigarettes are on the market. Widows’ weeds? —Arkansas Gazette. mtemporaries “IN THIS ROOM THE PAMOUS POET FIRST SAW THE LIGHT OF DAY...OPEN THE BLINDS, DORA, SO THE VISITORS MAY SEE It Too.” —Fliegende Blatter (Munich). An Opportunity Jupce: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth— Fair Witness: It will be perfectly lovely, if you really have time to listen. —Boston Transcript. Hearp from a soap-box: “What I ses is, we've got to raise the sink of ig’rance and poverty to an ‘igher level!” —London Daily News. “L HEAR YOU MADE A DATE WITH THE LADY LION-TAMER.” “FORGIVE ME, MY DEAR; IT WAS DONE IN A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS.” —Buen Humor (Medrid). comicbooks.com