Life, 1925-12-31 · page 5 of 37
Life — December 31, 1925 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several pieces of humor commentary rather than political cartoons: **"Lament"** (Roger Burlingame) is a nostalgic poem complaining about modern changes—new fashions, homes, music, and social trends—ending with dislike of "New years" itself. **"The New Year Resolutions of a Captain of Industry"** by McCready Huston lists humorous self-improvement goals for a wealthy businessman: controlling his wife's spending, monitoring his daughter's curfew, limiting his son's saxophones, and investigating Florida money/broadcasting opportunities. **The accompanying sketch** shows what appears to be a working-class or poor family in cramped quarters, illustrating the class contrast with the captain's concerns. **"The Perfect Flop"** and **"Test"** are brief comedic dialogue pieces about workplace mishaps and joke-telling. The page satirizes wealth disparity, generational anxiety, and New Year's platitudes typical of 1920s American humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Lament . DO not like new things; new pipes, new shoes And new home brews; New furniture, new Camembert, new blues, New hats and new shampoos. I do not like new houses and new doors That will not open, and new varnished floors Smelling of turpentine; I do not like new faces And new bores, New places And new wine. I do not like new loves to bruise my heart (Already not undented by the old), And 1 confess new novels and new art And new songs leave me cold. I do not care For new bond-salesmen, and I cannot bear To hear new stories told. 1 do not like new laws, new wars, new news Oi new disasters, and, if I might choose, I should not like A new coal strike; And I despise new bandits and new clues In murder mysteries. 1 close my ears To new psychologies and new careers And new religions tire me to tears. But most of all, I find I do not like New years. Roger Burlingame. The Perfect Flop THE applicant for a job looked all right to the Large Executive. His face had the requisite “listening look,” so necessary to men of vision. He was neat and clean. “You have letters of introduction?” boomed the L. in his largest official voice. “Yes, sir. Here they are, three of them.” ‘And what do they say?” “I beg pardon, sir?” “T said, ‘What do they s: “Why, naturally I haven't read them, sir. are addressed to you.” Haven't read a letter of introduction?” The snorted, handing them back. “Well, if you're not that curious, you're not human, and ¢ got no use for you in this concern, Good Stanley Jones. Test IRST HUMORIST: So you tell your jokes to your wife? Seconp Ditto: Certainly; if she doesn't laugh I know they’re good. 17° e€ The New Year Resolutions of a Captain of Industry give my wife an allowance and compel her to live within not more than three times the amount. To sce that my daughter gets in every night by three o'clock. To limit my son to two saxophones and force him to wear garters. To find out if there is really anything in this talk about money in Florida. To trap out the local broadcasting stations. To work in a winter vacation somehow. To increase the volume of business and reduce blood pressure. McCready Huston. Man-About-Town: Boss, WE WANT TO RESERVE A COUPLE OF STOOLS FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE. comicbooks.com