Life — December 31, 1925 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE ‘The nausea of Sea, Train and Car Sickness promptly relieved. Expe- rienced travelers all testify to its positive action. 25 years in use. 736, 8 $1.500t Drug Stoves or direct ow receipt of Pric Tne Motherulll Remedy Co., New York HERS, LB SS SEASICK Odds and Ends Grandma has always made it a rule never to throw anything away and she has one big box filled with small articles of hardware. The box contains hinges, links, bolts, broken locks and the like that she has saved through the long years. No matter how worthless a thing appeared to be, Grandma would put it in the box, her idea being that it might come in handy some day, and Grandpa needed any article of hardware of any description Grandma told him to look through the things she had saved. Over a period of nearly fifty years Grandpa searched in the box almost every weck and then went to town and bought the thing he needed. To the day of his death he didn’t find one article in the box that he could use. —-Claude Callan, in Milwaukee Journal. when A patnotocist is a doctor who invents diseases for other doctors to cure. —Boston Transcript. LAW OF COMPENSATION, —Buen Humor (Madrid). Safe and Diet For INFANTS, Children, Invalids, Narsing Mothers, etc. Avoid Imitations — ass torHorlick’s The ORIGINAL Malted Milk , Our Garter (pat'd, Makes Trousers Hang Stig eTiend In or Out OLISH ONTEMFO ARIES Though I am not a man of means As fiscal worth to-day is reckoned, Though moncy lingers in my jeans Less than a subdivided second, Still, there is naught I need forego From big fur coats to motor cars, Of all the things the merchants show In their luxurious bazaars. The salesmen tell me I must buy, And, though my poverty be plead, it But makes them louder in their cry That they are glad to give me credit. They bid me put away my fears And deck mysclf in princely raiment, For they will gladly wait ten years For me to consummate my payment. I can have diamonds, stocks and bonds, Large, handsome houses may be mine, If I will do what corresponds To signing on the dotted line; A dollar down will make me heir To grand pianos, radio sets, In fact, to anything I care To list among my private debts. The salesmen haunt me day and night, And sing their sweet, seductive ditty; To overlook a chance so bright Would be, they say, a dreadful pity. Extravagance is always wrong, Thrift is the proper maid to woo— Why should I heed the salesmen’s song? The devil of it is, I do! in Spokane Spokesman-Review. Teaspocntul of Abbott's Bitters on, half Grape, Fru 2 delighttal breakfast toole. | Sample bitters by cts. tn stampa. bot & Co., Baltimore, One Up The new and boring Scots minister had just paid a long call upon an. invalid parishioner. At last he rose. “Well, John,” he remarked sententious- ly, “I must be getting on my way. ‘The daily round,’ you know!" A gleam of interest flickered in the sick man’s eye. “I'm glad you're a gowf- er,” he whispered. “That's something in your favor): anyway!” —Sporting and Dramatic News. The Ingrate Parson: I hear Dave has cleared out and gone to the city. Dav: Yeh! I've taught ‘im ‘ow ter milk forty cows a day and this is all th’ thanks I get. —Smith's Weekly (Sydney). “I Lost my wife in the sea.” “My poor friend! Was she away by a wave?” “No—by a life guard.” —Le Rire (Paris). taken “Tne play ended, happily,” recently wrote a local critic. What a difference a comma can make! —New York Morning Telegraph. (BUSH TERMINAL PRINTING CORPORATION, BROOKLYN, NEW YORK Island of Enchantment NEW S.S. COAMO IN SERVICE JANUARY 7th 1G comfortable steamers your hotel is wonderful cruise. Option ying at Desutital Condat Vanderbilt Hotel while in San Ju: Wide range of accommodations. Pictur- esque motor sight-seeing trips included in rate. Sailings every Thu: a Cruise Department PORTO RICO LINE 25 Broadway, New York City Materia Medica “Johnnie,” said his mother, “hurry down and get some salad dressing.” “At the grocery store “Goodness, no! Go to the drug store; it always has it and I never know whether the grocery will or not. And while you are there get me a hair net, an electric-light bulb, and a couple of towels like those they have in the win- dow."—Cincinnati Enquirer, * he inquired. A WELL-KNOWN actor, we read, has not eaten breakfast for years. Our bills al- ways come by the first post, too. —Humorist (London). CONNOISSEUR “NOT DAD, THIS REMBRANDT... A rity It’s so OLD.” —Le Ruy Blas (Paris), comicbooks.com