Life — June 11, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE - Must Be Played with Scenery NCE there was a young man who had fifty dollars and a depleted wardrobe. As he was going down to buy some new clothes, he saw an advertisement of books which would give a liberal education for fifty dollars, “This is providential,” said he. “I shall defer my pur- chases until I am liberally educated, and then the matter { fifty dollars will seem to me negligible.” the young man procured the books, which he read, marked and inwardly digested. Then, at a féte in his native town, some one chanced to speak idly of vegetarianism among the inhabitants of Socotra. Here was his opportunity ! As he enlarged upon the early carnivorous habits of this people and their subsequent revulsion from cannibalism, the eyes of all were turned upon him, The women saw that his somewhat neglected clothes were decidedly démod The men saw that his collar-button showed above his tie and that he needed a haircut. The women said, “This is some schoolmaster, savant, or other insolvent. I must warn Julia-or-Inez-as-the-case- may-be against him.” The men said, “A fellow that knows a lot of useless stuff like that must waste a lot of time.” At the end of six months the young man sold his library, bought a new outfit for five dollars down, and went back to the sporting page. He is now a prosperous and respected member of socicty. H. S. Stuckey. - . NOW SEE HERE, OSWALD, YOU OUGHT TO CUT OUT THE NIGHT LIFE AND TAKE MORE INTEREST IN YOUR WORK. IT'S TWICE THIS MORNING YOU'VE DROPPED OFF TO SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SWING WITH YOUR HEAD ON THE PID The telephone a-ringing at what seemed the crack of dawn, and it was the credit bureau of the shop which keeps billing me for five dollars and cighty cents which methinks I do not owe, but Lord! I had liefer pay it than be in constant communication with strangers, however polite, or end up by peeking through the bars of a debtors’ prison. I mean, however, to write the proprictor, telling him what a haughty spirit his persistence has broken, and that, albeit many have probably told him they would never set foot in his shop again, I shall in the future never allow a chauffeur even to drive me past it.... My husband, poor wretch, to the physician this day to be examined for an imaginary malady, did return with a beaming countenance and the news that he was to be permitted to consume alcoholic spirits in moderation. But, quoth Sam, anybody who drinks moderately these days doesn’t really care for it....At my accounts throughout the evening, finding my- self solvent, thank God! [he years do bring tolerance, indeed, I used to think it a cosmic calamity if my bank ac- count did not balance to a penny, and now I am happy if I come within a hundred dollars of the accountant's figures. prt! : I hear they're engaged. Sve: That's nothing! They're going to be married! June 4 June Up betimes, reading in the publick prints, and Sth marveling what peculiar people manage to get themselves presented at the Court of St. James's, HERE COMES THE BRIDE nor do T understand such an ambition or envy the THEY SHOULD TAKE A TIP FROM THE FORD FACTORY (Continued on page 31) comicbooks.com