Life — April 2, 1925 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ho-Hum! HERES 2 Statistic, OF all I've read This alone is of vital stuff. We spend one-third of our lives in bed.” By gosh, it isn't enough! Baron Ireland. Prosperity Comes to Slateville Y dear, you simply wouldn't ku IVI statevitle now, it's so prosperous and improved! “My husband says it’s on account of the country being Republican. know the United Pants have built here nd Amalgamated Fish Foods and Merged Underwear. My husband says You it’s brought a lot of money here, and really the town has blossomed out just ke a flower. Quite suburban. “You know how dowdy Main Street looked with all those old elm trees, and vt a house but had been there a hun- ed years? Well, the elms have been red away and they've put up hand- some lamp-posts (every sixty feet, ze says) with the cutest lights on them—just like inverted pineapples, n bronzy green iron leaves around them, And nearly all the old houses have been replaced by nice new terra- cotta brick stores, one-story ones, just like you see in the suburbs. And they've changed the name of Central Square to Pershing Place, and it's all cement from one side to the other, and the Rotary put up a beautiful statue t in the center, made of copper and esenting as just pulling his German. “Oh, and you know the Widow Jones’ place down on the corner? The one that hadn't been out of her family for two hundred years? Well, she died and the town bought it and made it into a beautiful. park. They cemented the little pond out back and put out beds of cactus and other lovely foreign plants ad in the summer they have potted palms all around. yonet out of a “And we have a new Community Hall—pink stucco, an exact copy of the Acropolis in Venice. And the new High School is to be a copy of Dublin Castle—the place in history where they hanged Bonny Prince Charlie. “Everybody raves about the way the town has picked up; all except old Dr, White, of course, and he says it has * LIFE * fatty degeneracy. I think people ought to do something about his talking that way. Besides being terribly unpatri- otic to the town, it is really not decent for him to use such words in public.” Herman Fay, Jr. The Professional Amateur “IS he the kind of man who kisses and tells?” “Worse. He kisses so he can write about it for a ‘Confessions’ magazine.” NY are convinced that the next war will be conducted by radio, in which event persons entering No Man's Land should be careful to avoid the wireless entanglements, 13 Bedtime Story O there was a Senate that fili- bustered and filibustered and fili bustered, so that it seldom passed more than 983,000 laws ina session, until one day there came along a new Vice-Pres- ident, who was a He-Man with more And_ this learned that the than sixteen pipes. Vice- President, when he Senate hardly ever passed more than 983,000 laws in a session, stood up and told that Senate what a low-down dog of a Senate it was, and the Senate took it all in with the utmost humility, And cach Senator took the words of that Vice-President home with him—and left them there back to Washington, B. B, when, he went ad fa THE RETURN OF THE NATIVE WHO CAME BACK TO AMERICA FOR SOME REAL HOME COOKING comicbooks.com