Life — January 22, 1925 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

© What a whale of a difference just a few cents make No Waste Crossworps continue to be featured in the daily papers. Railroad trains are beginning to carry dictionaries, the Los Angeles Public Library has set a time limit of five minutes on the use of its dictionary by any one person, and Professor Griffith of Mt. Holyoke College has declared that the students should be asked to make up cross- words at the end of each semester, using the new words they have learned during the year. The hman Class will begin with “Petting,” ‘4:00 a. st,” “hooch,” “cubs,” “paddle,” “Smooth this,” “Step on it,” “Give me a light,” and “necking party.” Trere’s always room for a good man except in the sock his young wife mended for him. Natural History Tue Whang is a bird with a crest of red That waggles its wings and flies, Its beak to the rear and its tail ahead, To keep the sand out of its eyes. The Boggle backs into his hole at night Because he has wisely found That when he comes out in the morn- ing light He needn't be turning around. When all of our rivers shall dry or freeze And all of our oceans, too, The Porgies and Flounders will climb the trees The way that the Elephants do. A. G. Here to-day and there to-morrow— Milady’s waist. Legato I pon’r know whether or not it's because I happen to be what the cluth- ing ads call a dressy fellow, but the fact remains that I hate frayed ga In the old days, every now and when I'd be dressing in the morr I'd find my garters soggy and sprin and looking as if they were edged with monkey fur. “Ah,” I'd say to myself, as I fitted the decaying remnants to my shapely calves, “I must get a new pair to-day.” But would I, when later in the morn- ing I found myself in the moil and turmoil of the wall-paper business? No, sir, I'd promptly forget all about ¢ ters, until late that night, on retirisy, their fuzzy condition would again meke me blush. I tried tying pieces of blue thread or yellow rafhia around several of the more jutting parts of my an:t- omy to remind me to buy new garters; but with no results. I could never re- call what a piece of tulle or rope was doing on my left thumb until bed-time came, and then, of course, it was too late. But now, fellow garter-wearer my thraldom is all over. And so is yours. I have discovered how a busy man can remember when to buy nc garters. Lika many other great discoveries, it seems perfectly simple when you or know it. I just don’t know how I can to think of it, but some power great: than I must have been at work last Monday morning when the Great Id came to me. And here it is. When the time arrives for you to need new garters, don’t put the old ones on thet day. You will soon find your sock hugging your shoes in a manner not to be denied, and after you have pulled them: up for the tenth time you will t glad to dash into the nearest shop anil buy a new pair of leg-constrictors. No’ a word, please. Don’t thank me; any one would have done the same in my place. (It has just occurred to me that in order to play safe you had better have some one remind you the day you wish to leave them off.) PW. Beauty “Preasure is the most beautiful thing in the world,” said the hedo- nist. “You are wrong,” said the hypo- chondriac. “Sorrow is the most beauti- ful.” “The most beautiful of all,” said the humanitarian, “is life itself.” Yet that very afternoon each had sworn to a woman that she was the most beautiful thing in the world. “So you've broken your resolution already?” “I guess it wasn’t a resolution. It must have been just an amendment.” comicbooks.com