Life — December 18, 1924 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Six Letters, “Mental Suffering” NEVER thought I should do it. Frankly, I thought I had better sense. I was conceited. Now I am nothing but ordinary, everyday three letters, “of genus homo.” It was my first fifteen letters, “mod- n instrument of torture.” I had kept ay from the four letters, “inadequate jective” things for months with no rticular hardship. I labored under impression that my mind was puz- d enough and did not need any ar- nine letters, “to which coffce longs,” first letter “s,” last letter cial might still have been saved if the ini- ul word of this fifteen letters, vention” (see above) had kept its Six letters,” it cried, “meaning ‘loud Shouts!" I exclaimed; “what is the nd horizontal Oh, dear: i » letters, “personal pronoun”! At 12:15 a.m. I opened the dictionary get the exact definition of “unctuous” send the man who had ruined that ce of graph paper. I had been wight up to regard “unctuous” as ining “of, or pertaining to, the “GER, T ONLY GOT SIXTY IN SPELLING MONTH, I WONDER IF 1 CAN ACCORDION RIGHT OR IF I BET- TER ONLY WRITE HIM FOR A FLUTE.” THIS SPELL THE KIND OF FOLDING CARD-TABLE ONE W. THEY’RE TEN-INCH LOGS, MY DEARS S AFTER EXPERIENCE WITH THE ORDINARY D church.” There seems to be some dif ference of opinion about the word. At 3:11 a.M. the thesaurus entered. though ignominiously ; the directions for its use did not explain how to look up a word of six letters meaning “lumi- nous envelope of the sun,” whose second letter was “f” and whose last two let- ters had to be “v” and “I.” Oh, deari dearie two letters, “personal pronoun” I am afraid to go to bed; but if I stay up I must talk, and I cannot talk any more except in this unintelligible jargon. And when I try to explain my suffering I can find no way of saying it but four letters, “nether regions.” I know that nobody will be four let- ters, “dunce” enough to read this, which means that I shall suffer alone: nobody will know how like a three letters, “small cloth,” first letter “r,” last let- ter “g,” middle letter “ my poor four letters, “containing the brain (if any)” seems. Oh, dearie, dearie two letters, sonal pronoun”! “per: Berry Fleming. Not a Life-Saver IRL (in deep water): Help, help! Man (swimming towards her): to me! Girt (excitedly): No, no, you are the wrong man. I HERE'S always room for a good man except under the same um- brella with his wife. Theatrical Geography WITZERLAND-A for its nav Paris—A city country famous whose inhabitants their waking hours under other people's. beds. United States—A country noted chiefly for its spend most of xports, the principal ones being millionaires and marines. Alabama—A state of syncopation. rden—A country noted for the imperfect English spoken by its in- habitants, A country where no one ever takes s boots and where every father is little. London—A_ city whose inhabitants live entirely in drawing-rooms and sub- sist exclusively on tea. Africa—A continent whose climate so degrades white men that they come to think that love is really of some im- portance in life, Mississippi R. banks are lined Negro dancers. Arabia—A paradox among countries, for though it has no caves it possesses more cavemen than all of Europe and America, excluding the Far West, com- bined. Bertram Bloch, —A stream whose and night with Reflection ‘OOLISH is the fellow who believes all that he hears, but not nearly so foolish as he who believes nothing. comicbooks.com