Life, 1924-12-11 · page 12 of 36
Life — December 11, 1924 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Cartoon:** A scorekeeper at what appears to be a social gathering struggles to spell a guest's name ("Fourth: J-O-N-E-S"). The satire mocks the pretentiousness of high society—the joke is that even simple names become incomprehensible in formal settings where people affect exaggerated manners. **"Mrs. Pep's Diary" Section:** A domestic humor column where the narrator describes trying castor oil to improve her daughter's nasal capacity, following her husband's suggestion. The satire ridicules both quack health remedies and the naive acceptance of dubious medical advice within families. **"There You Are" Contest:** Announces a $5,000 essay prize on wage theory, with the ironic caveat that the best essay won't actually win—satirizing intellectual pretense and contradictory institutional logic.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Scorekeeper (covering fact that he did not catch the name of strange fourth): AND—ER—HOW DO YOU SPELL YOUR NAME, Fourth: ANYWA’ J-0- Ns Reps Diar Ta) December This morning, being un- ‘Ind wontedly ravenous, I did make a fine breakfast, feel- ing sorry for the vegetarians who must deprive themselves of the pleasure of eating crisp bacon... .Fifi Fitler in early to see me, with the tidings that she has broken forever with Hank Compton and is experiencing her first tranquillity i years. In fact, quoth Fifi, life would be simply perfect now if only my watch would run! As a rule I do not credit my sex when they speak of having burned their romantic bridges, but F.’s casual manner confirmed her speech. Lord! [ do wonder who the new man is. But albeit I made her stop to luncheon and outdid Fabius in my conversational tactics, I could learn naught....Reading all the afternoon in Three Flights Up, a book of fine stories by Sidney Howard, and when Sam came in I did read him the quotation from Lewis Carroll which is printed on the flyleaf and ask him what would be the most impossible thing in the world for him to believe. Whereto he rejoined, after some grave reflection, That the taste of castor oil can be At the telephone betimes, trying to learn from our grocer if there be any between seventy-cent and one-dollar eggs other than thirty cents, but he proved to be more of a trades- man than a scientist, as I might have (Continued on page 32) December 3rd difference Inspiration DEAR Basa, 1 kissed you And got such a thrill, The story I wrote Paid a year's tailor bill— Sweet Florence, the feel of Your brow, neck and cheek Inspired a lyric That kept me a week— And Daphne, you darling, The touch of your mouth Brought forth a cadenza That paid my trip South. You, Cleo, elusive, Could I read your eyes I'm sure I should capture The Pulitzer Prize! Morgan Marsh. There You Are A PRIZE of $5,000 has been offered for the best essay on the theory of wages. The prize-winning essay, which will not win the prize, is: The theory of wages is (1) Sting the Bloodsuck ing Employers for All You Can Get (2) Don't Pay the Loafers of Employ ees Any More Than You Can Help. OTHER: How did you persuade Daughter to undergo that nasal operation? Fatuer: I told her it would improve her ability to inhale. “SOKKY, SIR, BUT THAT TOWEL WAS SO HOT 1 COULDN'T HOLD IT ANOTHER SECOND,” comicbooks.com