Life — November 6, 1924 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“I AM VERY BUSY, DEAR. COULD YOU GO ON GUARD OUTSIDE THE DOOR AND KEEP OFF THE PEDDLERS AND AGENTS FOR ME?” The Government Starts to Advertise OMETIME a really conscientious going to be elected President of the United States. At his first Cabi- net meeting he will s: “Boys, we've been talking about Putting the Govern- ment on a Basis. Let's do it.” Business ‘Right you are, prexy,” shouts the Secretary of State. “How’'ll we do it? Seems to me every business advertises its stuff these day: “Umph!" muses the President. “What'll we adverti The only thing we manufacture is money.” “Then we should advertise that,” ar- gues the Secretary. “We gotta make it as well known as the most popular cigarette. Let's be businesslike and go into conference on this thing.” The chief of the Allbunk Associated Advertising Agency and his twenty- cight minor executives are called in. Mr, Allbunk himself speaks. “It seems unnecessary, gentlemen,” he says, “to preach the gospel of advertising in this enlightened age——" He talks for four hours. Any employee of any ad- vertising agency can recite his speech for you, if you are interested. A campaign is mapped out are stocked up for future use: “Fresh and Crisp Daily—One- Dollar Bills.” (Appeal to house- wives.) “Get That Blackjack.” peal.) “Don't Slogans Greenback with a (Strong go-getter ap- Take Any Wooden Money.” (Snappy, broadly humor- ous appeal.) “T Owe It All to You, Mary,” with picture of young man borrow- ing U. S. money from wife. (This will have strong “home” appeal.) Measures are taken to make money more attractive to women of taste. Ten-dollar bills are printed in pastel shades with scalloped edges. Bathing- girl contest winners are put on the five- spots to appeal to the swagger young man of to-day. Ten million billboards snap out the praises of “The Bankroll You Love to Touch.” The campaign works! The public is knocked in the eye with a different slogan every morning. A Government pension is arranged for mentally de- ranged slogan-makers. Then—the ad- vertising stops! The Government goes bankrupt. The magazines and the billboard companies and the Allbunk Advertising Agency have all the money in the country! Mr. Allbunk becomes dictator. He puts a new slogan on the quarter. Instead of “In God We Trust” he puts “Look on the Other Side.” Then he sells advertising space on the back! Matt A, Taylor, How to Get Out the Vote NSTALL a radio in the polling place. Serve free lunch. Make the ballot look like an install ment plan contract. Have a lady ballot demonstrator in the window. Run off a lucky number contest Install a putting green. Take movies of the voting. Serve tea. Hold an auction of cheap jewelry. Distribute crossword puzzles. Mobilize the National Guard. Make voting unconstitutional. H.W. H. After the Big Game H (enthusiastically) : Some score— thirty-six to nothing! Sue: What's par for this stadium O reformer is a hero to his own bootlegger. THE FIRST CAMP-FIRE GIRLS comicbooks.com