Life, 1924-09-18 · page 5 of 36
Life — September 18, 1924 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces: 1. **"Ballade of a Complete Flop"** (left): A poem by Dorothy Parker lamenting creative failure—the speaker claims to have given everything to their work but received only "air" in return. It satirizes artistic struggle and rejection. 2. **"Fable"** (center-right): A story by Bertram Bloch mocking a young couple's pretentious, independent approach to marriage. They reject conventional advice and select their own furnishings, only to end up with mismatched, chaotic décor—satirizing youthful arrogance. 3. **"When a Cellar Needs a Friend"** (bottom): A cartoon with caption about bankers, suggesting they historically began as barefoot boys but now start as "caddies"—likely satirizing class mobility or the commercialization of banking. The page represents Life's typical satirical commentary on contemporary social attitudes and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CC yf eC Ballade of a Complete Flop AD the matter of which I speak, Deep the trouble of which I sigh. To the heavens my woes [ shriek,— I'd just love to sit down and cry. Though I hate to admit it, my Batting ze is less than fair. Generous gentlemen pass me by,— All that they give me is the air. Rich man, beggarman, merchant, sheik, Actor, congressman, human fly, Argentinean, Czech, and Greek Give and give, till the well runs dry, Giits of elderly Scotch and rye, Gifts of jewels and orchids rare To a more competent Lorelei, — All that they give me is the air. What's the matter with my technique? I can’t fathom, or even try I'm intelligent, fond, and weak,— Why don't [ get a regular guy? Just for others, the goose hangs high; All love's tokens that form my share May be placed in a pig’s left eye— All that they give me is the air. L'Envoi Prine the reason why What's the trouble, and how, and where? When did Santa Claus go and die? All that they give me is the air Dorothy Parker. UL bankers formerly began life as barefoot boys; now they begin as caddies. HERE'S A SCIENTIST WHO SAYS THAT ILUMAN LIFE ON THIS PLANET rout 600,000 yRARS IN THAT CASE, MY DEAR, IT IS PROBABLY TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING BEGAN AGO. ALOUT IT Fable CE there was a young man who was very independent and a young girl who was very resolute became engaged, they said: anybody thinks; So when they “We don't give a hang what we don't give a hang what anybody says This is entirely our affair. We are goit by a magistrate and no one is going to be present except the necessary witnesses; we are going to some to be married heard-of place like Iceland on our honeymoon; we are going to live in the house we ourselves select, if you want to give us presents they must be cash, because we are going to sur- round ourselves with things that we ourselves choose.” And everybody said that they were right and commended them for their bold stand. And so they were married in church and had a wedding-breakfast for eighty- odd people, and they went off to Niag- ara and the Thousand Islands with a list of places to stop at agreed upon by his Uncle Max and her Uncle Tom: and they came home to the darlingest little apartment which his mother had found for them, all nicely furnished except for the radio set, which it had WHEN A CELLAR NEEDS A FRIEND been decided they should be allowed to select for themselves. Bertram Bloch. The Voice with the Grin UBSCRIBER: Say, operator, you gave me the right number the first time I asked for it. Orerator: Excuse it, please. comicbooks.com