Life, 1924-07-17 · page 33 of 36
Life — July 17, 1924 — page 33: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces and period advertisements. **"The Diplomat"** is a short poem (by J.K.M.) humorously addressing a woman named Chloe. The speaker lists her physical imperfections—unfair complexion, thin lashes, non-Roman nose, thin ankles—as reasons he *won't* pursue her, claiming loyalty to his mother. The joke satirizes diplomatic flattery and male vanity by inverting compliments into rejections. **"The Careless Gardener"** mocks a magazine publisher who arranges his flower garden in narrow columns mirroring his publication's layout. When the gardener plants wrong flowers in wrong beds (gladiolas instead of roses), the publisher fires him—replacing him with a proofreader. The satire targets editorial carelessness and suggests proofreading matters more than horticultural skill. The remaining content is advertising: Forhan's toothpaste, General Electric fans (promoting electrical home comfort), and a brief "Thrift" joke about an office boy saving his grandmother's death as an excuse for future time off.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Diplomat Cnioe! If you were not so fair, I would seek the hazard quicker; Were the glory of your hair Less, and were your lashes thicker. your nose were somewhat Roman at might be a friendly omen. ! If you had ankles fat, your perfect points were fewer, Faster than an eye could bat, 1 would introduce you to her. Now, I shirk my patent duty. Mother still is held a beauty! J.K.M. The Careless Gardener Tue great magazine publisher found his principal recreation in posies. The flower beds in his garden were uniformly long and narrow, like the olumns of one of his six-pound month- periodicals. The publisher, arrayed » garden hat and knickers, was doing the honors. “Here,” said he, “are my roses. Just 1s you begin to get interested in them, you will reach the end of the bed. Protect your gums and The canary in the mine Often a canary is lowered down to test the air in a mine before men are allowed to work there. We cannot see bad air, do not easily sense its harmful effects. Today people everywhere are de- manding cool, live air to live in— j save your teeth for healthful indoor surroundings. The Do you know that a G-E Fan, beer veda terete giving cool, live air and comfort ees in living room, in sleeping room, How to plan complete workshop or office, costs but one- half cent an hour to run? GE Fans told in this new fully illustrated book “The Home of a Hundred Only the home wired for electricity may use elec- tric fans, Complete wiring makes possible the home of a hundred comforts, told about in this book. UST as a ship needs the clos- est attention under the water: line, so do the teeth under the gum-line. If the gums shrink Comforts”—the book from the tooth-base, that thousands have soos Ginears sank sent for. Write today ened. _ for your free copy. Be themacves tender eneral Electric Company disfigure the they recede. Forhan's prevents this gum decay called Pyor- rhea, which attacks GENERAL ELECTRIC There you will find a little sign reading, esting part, too. It is really most an- ‘Continued in Bed 127,’ or whatever the number may be. “We then pass by a hundred or so beds, and in good time arrive, as you see, at Bed 127, where you note there is another little placard saying——” Violently the great magazine pub- lisher stamped his foot. “Drat my gardener!” he cried. “Here he has mixed up those continued lines again. Instead of roses in Bed 127, continued from Bed 24, he has planted gladiolas here, continued from Bed 43. And the roses left off in such an inter- noying.” And the great publisher dismissed his careless gardener and installed in the job his most trusted and experienced proofreader. A. H. PF. Thrift Orrice Boy: I ain't feeling so good; kin I have the afternoon off? Boss: Why don't you tell me your grandmother is dead? Orrice Boy: Oh, I'm saving her for later in the season, comicbooks.com