Life — July 3, 1924 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

In Dining Car pot Order a pint or a split of Apollinaris, —good and pure— sparkling water. “The Queen of Table Waters” Sole Importers: Apollinarls Agency Co., Fifth ‘Avenue eeand Street ow ¥oric “Is this your most concentrated per- fume?” “Positively, madam.” “Then I'll take an ounce, on the strength of it.” Tne perfect radio slogan: “So far and yet so near.” “wHaT! a WIDOW FOR THE THIRD TIME?” “YES—TEMPORARILY.” —Excelsior (Mexico City). + LIFE - Ripe Cause for Fame (Ye Cavalier and What He Quaffed) He was a gorgeous cavalier, With eyes both brave and bold; And he was quaffing nut-brown beer Within a tavern old. Ah, he was quaffing deep and fast In such a festive way, That I have dragged him from the past To chronicle to-day. I have forgotten what was said To lend him lasting fame. I have forgotten whom he wed, And even whence he came. But I remember bright and clear Some lengthy legend told That he was drinking nut-brown beer Within a tavern old. Oh, get the picture, maidens all,— When knighthood was in hops. A tavern spacious as a hall, With all its ancient props— A stalwart, handsome, fearless beau (This is our cavalier), Who tells the world (through me, you know) He quaffed some nut-brown beer! M.H.C. Protests of an Inoffensive Man I Have an extremely long, shiny and sharp paper knife, but for many years all salesmen have left my office alive. I have made no exception of those who ask for two minutes in which to state their case and stay two hours. Insurance agents who have tried to mar my happiness in my few remaining years cannot say I have ever done anything more than toy musingly with my inkwell. Real estate dealers with undrained swamp land for home sites have never known the touch of my long and delicate fingers in the region of the trachea. So—— Having done my share to make the world safe for go-getters I feel that I am wholly justified in hiring a young woman whose sole duty shall be to sit outside my office door and say that I am in conference. McC. H. Don't you love athletic men? Yes, they're such children. The Philosopher utters The Magic Phrase, ‘*SUBSCRIBE TO LIFE’’ For the Under Dog—A Square Deal—the other side of the case. Special Offer Enclosed find One Dollar (Canadian $1.20, Foreign $1.40). Send Live for the next ten weeks to “Open Sesame" is out of date, LIFE, 598 Madison Ave., New York (TL) Qne Year $5.00 Cal $5.80 Foreign $6.60 (WYNKOOP MALLENBECH CRAWFORD COMPANY, WEW YOR, for a slogan! Eight words or less, describ- ing new small packaged con- fection, selling for 5 cents, that tastes good and takes away unpleasant breath. IMBINE the two ideas of pleasant tas! and improvement of breath in a st ; expression that will stick in the memory. Th. shorter, the better. No limit on number slogans each person may submit. Any man woman or child may compete. Accompany slogans with name and address plainly writter In case of tie, each winning contestant will receive the full prize. Contest closes midnight, July 14. Winner will receive $25 in cast Address: SEABOARD MILLING CO. 4 Collister St. New York & tH) CB (SB DZEE This need not happen! E. Z. Garters can’t come un- hooked because they have no hooks or adjustments. Just a continuous circle of w-i-d-e, soft elastic. That’s E. Z. They stay up; and man, they’re comfortable. Try one pair! Made Solely by THE THOS. P. TAYLOR CO, BRIDGEPORT, CONN. EZ. tut ORIGINAL wio! MG ARTERE Safe Milk Children, Invalids, the Aged, etc. Avoid Imitations Tne ORIGINAL \S_Malted Milk comicbooks.com