Life — June 12, 1924 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Members of the party are ir 1 to speak only h throughout the t Any member caught d n ice-cream soda at Sel- fridge’s, or a lemonade at the Neapolitaine, or a Himbeeren saft at Wertheim’s will be summarily expelled from. the party and his fees will be confiscated and turned over to a fund, to be called the Nicholas Murray Butler Traveling Fellowships, for proper disposition, H, J. Manckiewicz The Pedestrian Makes More Notes TREET—A city thoroughfare paved with in- tentions to cross it Horn—A mechanical appliance that has. super seded the brake and that automatically scares y out of a motorist’s way, into another mot way A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF CANNOT STAND Parking Space—A place where taxicabs back into you LIFE'S Ideal Tours Summons—What a policem, hands y r having safely across street 3 ME COOK and Mr. Cook’s Sons and the Messrs. Ray- plWValker—A. pedeateta ects ia thi mond and Whitcomb, and the rest of the boys and gir qhotet’ cat: that: you “‘Weresabout to'foll who have made the business of personally conducting one maphore—Signaling apparatus that tells you in which of the largest in the world, have obviously had their day direction you may safely stand still The time has come for a new type of tour, one more in line Trafic Jam—Too many ped cach driver with modern requirements. To meet the obvious need, Lurt W.7 offers its Ideal Tours For the present, there will be only one field covered Degrees Europe, to wit. Tours will start promptly on the first day ! ae . ? AWFORD: Have you ever Saited for yc while she had a dress tried on? Cransnaw: Why, man, I've waited while she went to the barber's, cach month, returnit s promptly on the fifteenth lay of the following month In return for his money, the tourist gets the following arrangement : The Editors of Lire will post personal security bonds of $250,000 cach that the following places will not be visited: Westminster Abbey, the Old Curiosity Shop, the Cheshire Cheese, the Louvre, Versailles, the Cafés Dom and Rotunde, Dijon, Germany (except Munich), and all Fjords Members of the party will be expected to spend two nights in jail as the result of having been thrown out of two of the following places lis, Romano's, Peltzer'’s, the Hotel Bristol in Vienna. The conductor, however, will be in- structed to exercise patience with members who are slow in learning the proper technique On board ship, members of the party will not leave their staterooms until noon, and will spend the time from 12:03 rat. until dawn in the bar. Under penalty of immediate expulsion from the group, members will be required to snort tly upon the first entrance of a woman into the bar. Tense is repeated, they will be expected to throw ho trays. Upon a further repetition, they repair in a body to the captain, with engraved letters test, which they will afterwards dispatch by wireless o their Ce essmen, Any member overheard. s. ys. “The natives a travel second-class—first class is used only by Americans—the only difference is in the color of the upholstery,” will be sen- tenced to a three-day tour of the battlefields with a party of fifty school-teachers from Luzerne County, Pa. The trip through Switzerland will be made at night, in a His Wife: sn’ rt PEACEFUL, JOSEPH? covered and sealed freight car. He: IT IS, DAMNABLY SO, comicbooks.com