Life, 1924-01-10 · page 35 of 44
Life — January 10, 1924 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Main Article:** "That Kind of Face" is a humorous first-person essay by H.W.H. complaining that his appearance makes him look perpetually helpful and trustworthy—like an "Uncle Remus" or Boy Scout type. Strangers constantly approach him asking for directions, the time, help crossing streets, and directions in department stores. He's frustrated that this "helpful Horace" appearance prevents him from looking dangerous or romantic, and he fantasizes about jobs (bandit, bond salesman, piano mover) that would give him a more commanding presence. The essay satirizes how facial features and demeanor typecast people in society. **Bottom Cartoon:** A brief joke about old-fashioned hotels: when asked what happened to people who used to blow out gas lamps in hotel bedrooms, the answer is they "get run over on Fifth Avenue"—a dark joke about the dangers of modern traffic replacing old hazards. **Advertisements:** The page features Maillard chocolates, Madison Avenue restaurants, and shoe lacing hooks—typical 1920s luxury goods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
That Kind of Face 1 want to be a pirate, or a dentist, or a taxicab chauffeur, I would even consider being a motion picture producer, if it would give me that sort of face and manner. Frankly, I am tired of sharing with Mary Pickford the title of “The Nation's Sweetheart.” Don't ask me what it is that makes me iair game for every stray man, woman or child. Introspection can be carried too far. Just plant me in a busy thoroughfare and see for yourself what happens. There! What did I tell you? That lisping tot who would run shrieking from her own father has approached me in utter confidence and has asked me to take her hand and lead her across the street. Hang it! Do I look like that type of person? 1 know I'm not exactly a cave-man. but dash it all, neither am I an Uncle Remus. That's the way it goes, all the time. Panic-stricken de- cayed gentlewomen come up to me in the subway and ask me how to get to remote parts of Brooklyn. Men old enough to know better ask me for the time, or for matches, leaving me to gnash futile teeth over a waxing inferiority complex to the effect that I am only a little boy-scout. Let me stop for a moment in public and I inimediately become the center of a surging mob. I hold what one might call an informal information open-air meeting. I even hold valuable packages for people who have never scen me before in their miserable lives. As for stores—I went into a department store hatless, o Inside of three minutes, I was directing the traffic, answering complaints and quot- ing prices on the more popular numbers in stock. The worst of it is that I generally have the time, or the match, or two nickels for a ten-cent piece. Even when 1 am feeling my Jesse Jamesest, the sudden contact of those rose-petal infant digits with my horny palm reduces me to cup-custard. So I play my part of Helpful Horace, a part handed out to me by a snickering casting director who has a script full of more dignified and less promiscu- ous bits. You probably think that in all this milling of first aid to the foolish, I'd have many a neat romantic chance at beauty in distress. Perhaps, you say, with a sly dig in the ribs, some pretty girl comes up to me every day or so and tells me that, please, she is afraid to ride in the bus alone, and would I mind—? Well, they don’t, and never have, and the chances are evidently not improving. That's why I want to be a bandit, or a bond. salesman, or a piano mover, or a moving picture producer. HOW. H. “Wat's become of the old-fashioned party who used to blow out the gas in a hotel bedroo: “He gets run over on Fifth Avenue.” “WHY WERE YOU SO LONG ON THAT ERRAND? DIDN'T I SAY “YES, BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY ‘HURRY THERE.’” New yori. Chocolates Bon Bons Jrench Bonbonnieres Luncheon AfternoonTea yj Madison Aen ue 474 Street Phone Vanderbilt 3S MENS LUNCHEON SERVICE 47 St. Entrance ie at 35% Street Phone Fitgroy 3232 common-sense evidence —on quality A footwear—that the shoes are made for the wearer's convenience —Shoe Lacing Hooks. You. retailer can sell you shoes with lacing 100ks. Insist on having what you want!