Life, 1924-01-10 · page 33 of 44
Life — January 10, 1924 — page 33: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous essay satirizing theatergoers' inattentiveness and poor theater etiquette in early 1910s New York. The unnamed narrator confesses he attends Broadway openings frequently but remembers nothing, admits to counting empty seats during sentimental scenes, resents being accidentally spotlit, and considers anyone paying over $27 for a speculator's ticket a "complete nit-wit." The satire targets both the audience (their superficiality, clumsiness—women perpetually dropping gloves and vanity cases) and theater itself (predictable musical numbers about flowers/jewelry, ingenues over forty). The reference to "George Spelvin" is a knowing joke—this was a standard pseudonym used in theater credits for minor or uncredited roles, implying even the most versatile American actor is fictional. The piece mocks the pretense and boredom surrounding high society's obligatory theater attendance, particularly among wealthy New Yorkers.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Confessions of a Playgoer I wave attended as many as nineteen first nights in three weeks, though I remember none of them. On June nine- teenth, 1911, I discovered a theatre seat under which my straw hat fitted. The theatre has since been demolished. During the sentimental bits of melo- dramas, I either count the number of empty seats or read “What the Man Will Wear.” I have invariably found the paper cups in the smoking room of insufficient dimensions for a really sat- isfactory Tom Collins. I have never in my life attended an opening at which the curtain was raised on time. I still highly resent the elec- trician's throwing a spotlight on me while a peroxide cutie warbles a ballad, and then tosses me a paper rose. I am not in the least interested as to the name of the maker of the hair-net worn by the leading lady in the second act. I have never paid more than twenty- seven dollars for a single seat from a speculator, and consider any one who will pay as much a complete nit-wit. I have never attended a play with a young lady who did not*drop her gloves, or vanity case, or hand bag, or neck- piece, or program at least twice during the performance. I do not remember ever having wit- nessed a musical revue that did not con- tain a number either about a flower or about a piece of jewelry. The minute I detect an ingenue who is over forty, I choose my nearest exit. I consider George Spelvin the most versatile actor on the American stage. imagine London without Ms 30 apical is Just likeLondonisCruger’s. You'll find here exactly the same things men buy in those smart little West EndShops. Ties, hose, shirtings, etc.—drop in or write us, CRUGERS ING. SSS Just off Sth Ave, and ‘round the corner from the Ritz “What a whale of a difference just a few cents make” e ‘CAll the difference between just an ordinary Fe cape and the most skillful in cigarette history. FATIMA —a mild cigarette Fabricated Fables The Promoter and His Success Tuere was once a Company Pro- moter who owned a Big Estate in the Country, a town House, three Motors and a growing Family. And yet nobody was ever known to make a Nickel out of his Enterprises. Every- thing he Promoted went Bad and how he carried on was a Mystery, as he always seemed to be heavily in Debt. However, one day when he was the Guest of Honor at a Business Luncheon some one asked him the Secret of his Success, to which the Promoter replied : “I make it a Practice always to keep on Borrowing and Borrowing more than I need to pay my Debts as they come due and I live on what's left over.” Moral Never put off till you Borrow more than you're Due to Pay. Free Dog Book KEEP fis tearee Q-Ww Doc REMEDIES Sea ating cake, Se homeo ates fro Q-W LABORATORIES | Dept. 19 Bound Brook, Jersey j CLEAR A HEADCOLD quickly by placing in each nostril a little healing, antiseptic ‘Mentholatum ite for free sample Buffalo, N.Y.,Wichita,Kans.