Life — October 4, 1923 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Advice to Young Fathers EFORE the local hospital's trained stork had given my wile and me our $200 additional exemption from our income tax, I was a generous subscriber to the be- lic that the young male parent is fod for fun. now rise to remark that such is the case, or if it is, it needn’t be. instance, we always read of the 1er’s leaping from his chair in the pital waiting-room at the entrance the nurse, who says, “It’s (they ) a boy (s), or girl (s),” as the may be. In the old days when I s not so paterfamiliar with the sit- m, I often used the above scene a basis for some snappy comedy. when my turn came, I determined see if things were really as I had tured them; for the benefit of fu- ure fathers, I am glad to report that y weren't. In the first place, I wasn’t sitting in chair; I was strolling rapidly—the ht was cool—up and down, looking at a jolly hospital type of picture, “Charon and Boat,” which hung on the wall. Secondly, it wasn’t a nurse. hut the doctor who entered, and I did ‘ grasp him excitedly. He has since that the two coat buttons re loose and probably ready to fall anyway. Then there is the fallacy about Dad, as we may now call him, going out to all his friends and telling them the glad news uninvited. We— \V. S. Gilbert, Mark Twain, Steve !eacock and myself among others— ive celebrated that idea in many a screaming song and story. Yet it is rroneous in fact. It is only natural that your friends 1ould be interested in the event, and ey would feel hurt if you didn’t tell 1em, but it is just as easy to let the ws come to them in an unobtrusive vanner. In fact, you will find that en your casual acquaintances will ‘yince an intensive concern about the ffair that will practically force the appy tidings from you. For instance, n the way home I stopped in at the lub for breakfast and chanced upon iurgleberry, whom I hadn't seen for ears. (In fact, as it turned out, I ad never seen him before; he in- troduced himself later.) I shook him warmly by the hand, ind suggested we have a cigar, at the ame time remarking that everything d= me “DO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ENJOY THE SAME THINGS?” “WE WILL WHEN WE CAN AFFORD IT.” was all right, and they were both do- ing finely. “Who are doing finely at what?” asked the good old boy, and of course I had to tell him every- thing, though I had been determined not to go around baby-blurbing. And that’s the way it’s been right along. Some fathers may do the silly- ass things credited to them in the comic” papers, but my own knowl- edge of the rdle shows that such moronic activity is practically un- known in real life. A.C. M. Asoy, Jr. Vacuum PREEE is a vacancy in peace, More dolorous than any pain, That makes a mock of pain’s release And summons turmoil back again. RL. J: The Boy Who Cried Wolf HERE was once a young Shep- herd Boy tending his flock, and for fun one day, when things were a bit slow, he rushed down the moun- tain-side crying, “Wolf, Wolf.” As the Villagers heard his cry they rushed out in a mob to slay the Wolf, but were only laughed at for their pains. Seeing how well his hoax worked the Boy fooled them again and again, until one day a Movie Actress on location, seeing him thus wasting his talents, took him to Hollywood and made him her Press Agent. Now he cries “Million Dollar Picture” every time her camera clicks. Moral You can fool enough of the people all of the time to make it pay in the Movie Business. comicbooks.com