Life — March 8, 1923 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hip, Hip, Hurrah! Sounder Discusses the National Pocket Flask ci] ASHINGTON, March 5.— In this busy world of ours a man is likely to pass up matters that do not touch him closely. I, for one, am frank to say that until a month or two ago, when the waiter dropped the flask in the Senate dining-room, I had not given much thought to Prohibition. For Two or Three Years I have suffered from colds in the head—something to do with drafts in the Senate Chamber, I imagine, since most of my colleagues have complained of the same thing. As I consider it a duty to the Nation to keep myself in vigorous health, I have on occasion—well, in short,— that flask, purest pre-bellum Bour- bon, was consigned to me. Its loss touched me very deeply. Previously I had considered Prohibition as pretty good stuff for oratory, something to get worked up over without knowing very much about it, like American- ism, or the League of Nations. It was not until that shattering flask dried up the usual subterra- nean channels under the Capitol, that my associates and I began to under- stand the outcry against the Volstead oN WILLIAMS Act, and to realize that we should have to do something to modify it. That Negro Waiter may survive as a great historical figure, like Paul Revere, or the man who fired the shot heard round the world. Guides in the Capitol may point out to future generations the star in the flagging where fell the flask that made Americans free. What Knowledge of Prohibition I lacked before that epochal event, I have acquired since. However, I shall merely give my conclusions, which are that several courses of action are open to us. 1. We can do nothing. Statistics prove that within fifty years, half the population will have died from drinking guaranteed pre- war wood-alcohol; the survivors will all be bootleggers who, unable longer to make an honest living, will in desperation drink their own wares, thus ending the problem forever. 2. We can enforce the present law. I dismissed this proposal, as soon as I thought of it, as absurd. 3. We can make the whole world dry. If all nations were suffering equal- ly with us, we might become recon- “Here fell the flask that set America free.” ciled to our own lot. There are diffi- culties in achieving this end, but they are not insurmountable, for al- though our policy forbids us to help Europe in matters of debts, Turks or reparations, we have never been too aloof to send over reformers to meddle in her domestic affairs. 4. Having tried compulsory ab- stinence, we might try compulsory drinking. The cry for personal liberty has become so nearly universal, that the average American will be in honor bound to resent any attempt to make him drink, as much as he resents the attempt to keep him from drinking. 5. We can- modify the Volstead Act so that a man can drink a glass of light wine or beer without getting either drunk or arrested. From the point of view of Con- gress this course presents the insur- mountable obstacle of being sane, practicable and what everybody wants except the extremists at either end and the bootleggers. It stands therefore little chance of adoption. I urge, therefore, that the nation should be calm and patient under its present trials. Congress has the mat- ter under advisement, and with so many courses to choose from is al- most certain to pick the wrong one. Sounder. comicbooks.com