Life — February 8, 1923 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SZ Wwe “Mein Gott! Do doze franzésischen Schweine t’ink dis iss Belchum?” Fables for Farmers HEN Hyrum J. Hoskins, the typical American peasant, found that his sheep were infested with ticks that were creating a condition of chronic anemia in his flock, he sent for the specialists who had made 1 profound study of parasites and their relation to prosperity. “The trouble with them sheep,” said Dr. Henry Ford, “is that their circulation is impaired. What they need is an injection of about two gallons per capita of fluid energy money, composed of moonbeams and extract of hokum.” “The presence of ticks,” said Dr. Harding, “indicates a submissive temperament wholly incompatible with nor- malcy. The sheep should be taught to resist the vermin that are preying upon them.” “The only way to help the sheep,” said Dr. LaFollette, “is to pass a law prescribing the number of bites each tick is entitled to.” “What you should do,” said Dr. Otto H. Kahn, “is to make the sheep understand that ticks have a useful function, in preventing sheep from becoming too fat and lazy to grow wool.” “The way to fix those ticks,” said Dr. Gompers, “is to starve them out by letting the sheep eat grass only eight hours a day.” “My idea,” said Dr. Hoover, “is to have a Federal commission appointed to study the origin and habits of ticks, and recommend appropriate legislation.” “What you need,” said Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, “is a new party barb-wire fence to separate the white sheep from the black ones.” “Guess mebbe this isn’t a case for you doctors,” said neighbor Cy Gadgett, who had happened along and listened to the discussion. “The ticks ain't sick. They’re healthy. The sheep ain’t sick neither. They’s run down and discouraged, but they'll be all right if you give ’em a bath of good old-fashioned creosote dip that will rid ’em of their pests. Sheep is lots like humans. They’d get along all right if there warn’t so blame many parasites living off’n them.” W. G. comicbooks.com