Life — January 11, 1923 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Time to Re-tire? FISK * LIFE - All Right E was a large man of a deter- mined look and athletic propor- tions, and he had been standing on my foot for some time before I ven- tured to say to him: “Sir,” said I, “you are a stranger to me and you will pardon me, perhaps, for speak- ing first and without an introduction, but there is something—what shall I say ?—something impressive about you, something that impresses me greatly.” (Here I made a slight movement of my pedal extremity, enough to indicate that life in it was not quite extinct.) “Not that I mind being stepped on,” I hastened to add, smiling encouragingly ; “on the con- trary, to be stepped on is the story of my life. All the same, I do not know you; besides, if I did, there are others here, who have paid their fare, just as you have, and who may be waiting their turn. Perhaps I spoke hastily; small things easily irritate me. A look of confusion as he instantly shifted his weight to a blind man opposite, who The Prohibition Alphabet A is for antis who plan a parade. B stands for bevo and bad lemonade. C is for cellar, the temple of hooch. D is for drinks, costing more than a brooch. E is for everyman, brewing his own. F is the fine that you pay with a groan. G is for gin, will it ever return? H is the hooch in the family urn. I is for industry, stirring the brew. J is the judge who will make you feel blue. K is for kick—more or less is the tule. L is the lore of the home-brewing school. M is the money you pay for a drink. NO is the answer you get for your wink. P is the port you remember with tears. Q is the quest for the flagon that cheers. R is for rum, quite a demon was he. S is the stuff that they sell on the sea. T is for temperance, whitens the nose. U is um, um, makes you twinkle your toes. V is the vats which the chemists all use. W, wink, and they hand you the booze. X is a ten-spot, the cost of a quart. Y is a yacht full of sherry and port. Z is the zest with which agents go round. Sampling the stuff that their noses have found. T. F.M. Come to Sunny ATHING beaches of pure white coral sand, splendid 18-hole golf courses, tennis, driving, boating and fishing. Weekly sailings on the magnificent trans- atlantic liner ARAGUAYA, 17,500 tons displacement, the largest steamer to Bermuda. No passport required. Send for Booklet L-7 WEST INDIES CRUISES Jan. 24 Feb. 24 TheS. S. ORCA, the newest, largest and most luxurious vessel engaged in West Indies cruises, sails to Ni Kingston, Colon, La Guayr: Barbados, Martinique, St. Thomas, San Juan and Bermuda. Send for Booklet L-8 “The Comfort Route” Nati THE ROYAL MAIL STEAM PACKET CO. 26B’way,New York 607 Boylston St., Boston 117 W. Washington St., Chicago Milwaukee San Francisco Seattle ‘Tur Carex PrintINo Co., INO. New York Brerauenem New friends, new pleasures, new and interesting ex. 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Guitar, Harp-guitar, Mandolin-banjo, ‘Tenor-ba Cello-banjo, Guitar-banjo. If interested in Agen: heck =» Teachertan Clip, check and tis Address al! mail to Kalamazoo, Gibson Mandolin-Guitar Co. 1221 Parsons St. Foreign Dept. Kalamazoo, Mich. 25 Broad St., N.Y. City would not be likely to notice the ob- trusion, mollified me in a moment. “Tt’s all right, it’s all right,” I has- tened to assure him. “And mind you,” said I, laying a conciliatory finger upon his arm, the better to en- force my argument, “mind you, when I say it’s all right, you understand you're dealing with a good fellow, and a 100% American. Get me? You know,” I continued patiently, “when a guy pokes his umbrella in your eye in this country, or bumps you in a crowd, or picks your pocket, or maybe picks your wife (not knowing it’s your wife, of course), or anyway steps on your foot here, figuratively speaking, and apologizes, —in other words, when anything is all wrong, everything is all right in America. It’s our watchword, our national anthem, the sign by which you know us. Am I right?” “Sure, go ahead,” he replied. “If you got anything on your chest, spit it out. It’s all right. My mistake. I tought youse was deef and dumb.” “They mikes me tired—these Vere wimmin wanting to sit in, Parlyment. A woman's plice is in ‘er ‘ome.” —London Opinion. comicbooks.com