Life — December 14, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ACING HOOKS on your footwear —less time to lace your shoes — more time to catch your train! Shoes with Lacing Hooks can be bought from up-to-date dealers. Insist on having what you want. OUR, FOOLISH CONTEMPORARIES Scene: Before the Palace It was a lurid British melodrama, and one of the characters, a king, was haranguing his son. “Come,” said the king, “let us go into the 'ouse.” “Did you hear that?” said a man in the stalls to his companion. “He said ’ouse.” : Overhearing the remark, and fixing the interrupter with his eye, the king advanced to the footlights and ex- claimed : “Yus, I said ’ouse! Do you think as ‘ow a king would live in apartments?” —Tit-Bits (London). Hew to the Line! Epitor: The meter in your poetry is too irregular. You have to stick to one type of foot throughout. Poet: But the best poetry has to be somewhat varied in meter to avoid monotony. Eprror: Quite true, but one must first be able to write the best poetry before one is privileged to follow her rules—Princeton Tiger. A Utility Shoulder “There is some discussion,” said the young wife, “of the most beautiful shoulder in the world. I’m not greatly interested in that, but the most useful shoulder in the world to me is the one I cry on.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Against Time Customer: But you guaranteed this watch would last me a lifetime. CierK: Certainly; but you looked pretty sick the day you bought it. —Korsaren (Christiania). “IMPOSSIBLE, is he?” “Judge for yourself. He thinks Walter C: is where the football players t: '—Pitt, Panther. Lire * Spirit-Shopping There was a new attendant at the Spiritualistic Circle, and he had form- erly been employed in a big drapery shop. The fact came to light when a client requested him to tell the medium that she wished to speak with a Mr. Green. “Certainly, madam,” said the attend- ant. “Can you give me his Christian name?” “I’m afraid I’ve forgotten it, but he only died quite lately.” The attendant cleared his throat ani approached the medium. “Please show the lady some of the latest shades of Greens,” he said. —Triad (Sydney). She Knew the Effect One of the daughters of an Amer- ican man of letters possesses literary gifts, and also a genius for critical biography. She had her first poem accepted by a magazine and was ex- ulted. “Now,” said she, “there will be two conceited persons in the family.” —American Legion Weekly. Domestic Science Mistress: Mary, what a kitchen! Every pot, pan and dish is soiled; the table looks like the day after a cyclone! What have you been doing? Mary: Well, ma’am, blessed if it be my fault. The young ladies has just been showing me how they bile a per- tater at their cooking school. —Pearson’s Weekly. Motuer: I wouldn’t whip him this time, Robert. Wait till he does it again. Fatuer: But suppose he doesn’t do it again?—Boston Transcript. . _——— The Telling Touch to a Perfect Party— Abpollinaris “The Queen of Table Waters” Always Appreciated by the Discerning and Discriminating Guest. Apollinaris Agency Co., New York Sole American Agents of The Apollinaris Co., Ltd., London Tone and Volume It seems that the marimbaphone, a Mexican instrument recently introduced to London, is played over water treated with alcohol, which imparts special tone to the music. This expedient is, of course, well known to bagpipers. h. Her Fatuer: But, young man, do you think you can make my daughter happy? Her Suitor: Do I? I wish you could have seen her when I proposed! —London Opinion, W. L.DOUGLAS $5 $6 $7 &58 SHOES and WOMEN W. L. Douglas shoes are actually demanded year after year by more people than any other shoe in the world ‘W. L. Douglas has been making surpassin, BECAUSE shoes for forty-six years. Thins, of nearly FOR MEN alf a century in making shoes suitable for Men and Women in all walks of life should mean some- thing to you when you need shoes and are looking for the best shoe values for your money. W.L. DOUGLAS shoes in style, quality, material and workmanship are fore; only by examining superior qualities. better than ever bee them can you appreciate their No Matter Where You Live shoe dealers can suppl: If not convenient to cal you with W. L. Douglas shoes. at one of our 110 stores in the large cities, ask your shoe dealer for W.L.Douglasshoes. Protection against unreasonable profits is guaranteed. by the name and price stam) pair before the shoes leave handles W. L. Douglas shoes, write toda for exclusive rights to handle this quic ‘selling, quick turn-over line. e factory. stitutes. The prices are the same everyw! | [fnotfor sale in your vioinity, write for catalog. VA | TO MERCHANTS: ine dealer in your town on the sole of every /%i Refuse sub-/} 5 here. comicbooks.com