Life — December 14, 1922 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Rector N Lilac Street, where I was born, Two clergymen reside, But one of them is sad and worn While one is puffed with pride; They hold the very self-same views About the Gentiles and the Jews And Life and Love and Liquor; They also draw the self-same pay, But Mr. Gray is Rector Gray, While Green is just a Vicar.: And that’s the trouble in the case; I do not say they bicker, But you should see the Rector’s face \Vhen some one calls him “Vicar”; And how the Vicar smiles and sings, \nd shines like some reflector, When persons not in touch with things Refer to him as “Rector.” No, do not ask me what it means, And which of them will join the Deans, \nd which the Bishops quicker ; Don’t ask the Vicar why he writhes When anybody speaks of tithes— It only makes him sicker; You'd better take it, child, from me, For some high cause we cannot see It is more glorious to be A Rector than a Vicar; 3ut if you ask (and this you can) Why I am not a clergyman, But rather chose to lead the van Of England's stamp-collectors— I had the chance, I need not say, But no, I could not see my way To be a Vicar for a day While other men were Rectors. A. PH, lui / Hh} i } Gren “But you should see the Rector’s fave when someone calls him ‘Vicar.’” “Beaver!” Edibles in English ANISHMENT of French words from menus has been recom- mended by members of the Interna- tional Restaurant Association assem- bled in Washington. What effect will this have on the Algonquin Lunch Club? the vehicular tunnel ? H. G. Wells? Personally we are strongly opposed to the sacrilege. We prefer French bills-of-fare to Russian novels, Ro- man numerals, and Irish tenors. We have always felt them to be as safe as the pitcher of water on the lecture platform; as impregnable as a Miche- lin tire. In our humble opinion the Restaurant Association is hitting dangerously close to the belt. Our interest in French menus has been chiefly a sporting one. We have always had an adventurous feel- ing when saying @ufs embonpoint instead of saying ham and eggs, cocotte mignonne instead of spinach, and planchette Coué instead of ham- burger well done. Sometimes we don’t get quite what we expect, but that makes it all the more exciting. Ordering a meal should be as ex- hilarating as a game of golf or a cross-word puzzle. It threatens to become so easy that even the wealthy will be able to make an intelligent stab at it. The Vanderschwepps will no longer be obliged to sneak across the street from the Ritz to a lunch counter which flaunts the sign, “Not responsible for hats, coats, and um- brellas” when Paddy, the only waiter in on their secret, is vacationing in Jersey City. Furthermore it will mean a danger- ous frigidity in European relations. Mrs. Hattie de Cerise has already said that she would register her pro- test in the matter by not going abroad next summer. This will mean that thirty-eight dependent relatives will stay at home with her. These will influence approximately five hundred families in New York who will spread the movement to seven thousand more families throughout the country. . The senti- ment will invade Washington, and then what will happen to the Lau- sanne Conference and gray spats? There seems to be some confusion in the International R. A. and we hope that it is a good sign. Accord- ing to bulletins recently received Germany is trying to-injure France, the U. S. hopes to keep the wets drinking synthetic gin until they all perish, Japan and Italy are drawing up menus of their own for propa- ganda purposes, and France is doing her best to forget Siki. To save time and trouble we ad- vise everyone to vote the straight cosmopolitan ticket. F.W. B. comicbooks.com