Life — October 26, 1922 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Slight Matter of Opinion ‘They have got the gold of the world, but we have saved our souls.” —Rudyard Kipling, as reported in an interview with Clare Sheridan. «(/ONFIDENTIAL - LIKE, an’ between me an’ you,” said Pri- vate Ortheris as he stuffed his pipe with the last of his tobacco, “wot's got the Big Un? Wot’s all this randydandy between him an’ the Yank “Orth’ris, me bye,” replied Mul- vaney, “are ye a recruity to be be- lavin’ all that ye hear, wheriver ye hear ut?” “But it’s all in the paper,” pro- tested Ortheris, “as pukka as you ph I don’t plaze, ye baboon. An’ fwhat's the paaper said the Beetle has said that’s troublin’ yer poor half- min says the Yanks lorst their perishin’ souls in the Great War.” “Did he now? Fwhat the Yanks losht in the Great War was their beer. Give it to um again, an’ fer all you know, an’ fer all I know an’ fer all Misther Kipling knows, their losht souls will come back, waggin’ their tales ahint um. That's my mind on wu it ’e don’t leave orf there, Mul- vaney. ‘E says they come into the scrap too late, an’ stopped it too soon. An’ havin’ stopped it, they walked orf, leavin’ the mess to be policed by the rest of us. Not wot there ain't others as has said the same, an’ them bein’ Yanks themselves.” “It's a free man’s inborn right to curse his governmint, Orth’ris, me lad. But is it his manners he’s for- gettin’? If it wasn’t threason, I'd st the Beetle had best be lookin’ own counthry, and the little island to the west of his own—Hivin help them both!” “Them Yanks don’t trouble me none, Mulvaney, even if they does chuck their weight abaht a bit.” “Ho,” said Mulvaney, “an belikes n’t know fwhere they got that charactheristic. That's fwhat makes thin an’ you cousins, as ’tis said.” “But the paper says, too, that ’e says that the Yanks ’as got ‘old of all the world’s gold an’ are ’oldin’ on right tight to it.” “And ain’t they? An’ be all the Saints in the’ Calenther, Orth’ris, fwhere, fwhen, how an’ fer fwhat LIFE did Misther Kipling say all this burra nonsins?” “'E says it in a hinterview to a woman reporter—” “Fwhat! Ye little thick-headed loon, ye. Is that all? Have ye no brains whativer, Orth’ris, me lad?” “T ave, Mulvaney.” “A divil uv a lot ye have. Not if ye’re belavin’ the foolish words uv a noospaper_ reportin’ wumman. Will ye niver grow intelligint, Orth’- ris? Now there was a reportin’ wumman I mind well at Pindi—” A slow grin of relief spread over the face of the other Musketeer. “Blarst that!” he ordered, “that’s another blinkin’ story.” H.W. H. Pertinent Prohibition Paragraphs AD you noticed, since Volstead began to rule (more or less) the land— That: A private stock consisting of two bottles of cooking sherry, one of Vir- ginia corn whisky and a mess of synthetic gin, brings more social prestige than a faithful~ following of Coué methods? That: Among those in high places the public vote and the private thirst are Doctor: 13 more likely to preserve a perfect bal- ance than a unified whole? That: The best home brew evolved thus far, by the great American people, goes to prove that a compensation is something which does not quite com- pensate? That: Discussions of the Eighteenth Amendment are rapidly losing all traces of their one-time detached in- tellectual viewpoint ? That: Regarding the fiery adherents of Volstead and all his works, comes seriously enough the query, both pertinent and impertinent, “Who drank in their family?” That: A card to your tried and true boot- legger is more valued than an intro- duction at your most exclusive club? That: Many of those most ardent in their cry for the protection of the work- ing man’s family life are going to Europe this year instead of Califor- nia or Florida? That: ery one agrees that the present situation is absolutely poisonous but cannot seem to decide whether the source of evil is the Protectors of the Pure or the Unregenerated Indi- vidualists ? M. A. Mz. When did you first notice that Mike was sick? Mrs. O’Flanahan: Sure, and he quit swearing day before yisterday. comicbooks.com