Life, 1922-08-31 · page 7 of 36
Life — August 31, 1922 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical attack on Bolshevism (Soviet communism) disguised as an educational primer for children. The title mockingly presents communist ideology as something taught to "Moscovite Minors." The page parodies legitimate educational content—including word lessons, arithmetic problems, and a catechism—but fills them with anti-communist propaganda. The "First Catechism" section defines Bolsheviks as "kindly, humane, peace-loving" (sarcastic), while depicting capitalists as "unscrupulous crooks" and Russia as "suffering from unfair discrimination." The "Advanced Reading" story about Nikita Gogol appears designed to mock Soviet hardship. The "Multiplication Table" equates Soviet concepts: "5 bombs = 1 machine gun" and "2 machine guns = one more revolution." This reflects 1920s American anti-communist sentiment, using satire to mock Bolshevik ideology and present it as dangerous indoctrination.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Bolshevik Primer Elementary Training for Muscovite Minors in Proper Russian Expression and Feeling Cap-I-TAL-IST Bro-THER-HOOD| Nw, Advanced Reading : How Nikita Gogol Saved Little Russia NIKITA GOGOL trudged along the path flanking the dyke that sep- arated the Baltic from Little Russia, his homeland. Although his father had given him a well-placed kick and a tin can to be filled with kvass at the nearest Platz, nevertheless Nikita rejoiced in the sere, yellow tulips, the weather-beaten irrigation ditches and the grey, streaked sky. It was his country, Nikita thought, and intelli- gent as he was, he had a smouldering affection for it. As he trudged along, happily singing a sad song about a deserted wife slowly starving to death, he noticed a trickle of muddy water.making its sluggish way across his path. “Oh,” thought Nikita Gogol, “the dyke has sprung a leak!” Without a moment’s hesitation, Nikita shoved his thumb into the dyke and plugged the leak. The water stopped trickling. . . Thirty seconds later, a man-eating shark patrolling the other side of the embankment bit off Nikita’s thumb. At the same time, a neighboring windmill collapsed, burying him under its | | does the workman get? (Ans. ruins. In the terrible inundation which followed, thousands of lives were lost. Robertoff Brusnieff and the Spider AS ROBERTOFF BRUSNIEFF, hiding in a deserted barn from the Tar- tars, lay in the mouldy hay, he sourly nursed his lacerated feelings. Uncon- scious of his presence, a spider spun her fragile web. Bitterness eating his heart, Brusnieff the warrior watched her. Finally be” rose to his feet. “Ha,” he muttered, “here, at least, is something I can de- feat.” With a hard palm, he crushed the unobtrusive insect to the plaster wall. As the pale sun sank into oblivion behind the drab horizon, Robertoff Brusnieff, leader of men, died in horrible agony. The spider had bitten back. . . 50 roubles for the first three Ready Reckoner Thirty days hath September, April, June and November; All the rest have thirty-one But the Povarish alone. He is lucky, so to speak, If he linger through a week. * Examples How much is 4378 times 17730 roubles? (Ans. $00.08 U.S.) A workman works twelve hours in one hundred thirty- two days. Labor prices are hours, 60 roubles for the next | two and twenty roubles for every hour after that. What Shot.) What do two Red factions | divided by mutual disfavor equal? (Ans, One small mas- sacre.) Extra Examples Let Y equal the Soviet treasury and let X_ equal | Premier Lenine. How oflen will X go into Y?_ How much will remain over? * * Multiplication Table 1 ey 1 eye 1 tooth - 1 hand = 1 hand “1 foot = 1 foot 2 guns 5 bombs = 1 machine gun 2 machine guns = one more revolution | man—what ! Sight Reading See the work-man? Oh, I see the work-man all right. What is the work-man do-ing? Not much of any-thing. Why is not the work-man work-ing? Why is not the work- Do not ask fool ques-tions. When will the work-man work? He won't. What would the work-man be called if the work-man would work? He would be called a cap-i-tal-ist. If the work-man were a cap-i-tal-ist, would he be shot? He would, and serve him right, too. Am I a cap-i-tal-ist? Yes, con-sarn you! Shall I be shot? You cer-tain-ly ought to be. First Catechism Q. What is a Bolshevik? A. A Bolshevik is the only kindly, humane, peace-loving, God-fearing, innocent, decent, respectable, industrious citizen in the world. Q. What is a capitalist? A. A capitalist is an unscrupulous crook. A capitalist is the vicious oppressor of the gentle Bol- shevik. Q. What is Russia suffering from? A. Russia is suffering from unfair discrimination, organized persecution, international suppres- sion, unwarranted prejudice, unjust suspicion and malicious un- recognition. Q What will save Russia? A. Nothing will save Russia but German intelligence and American money. H.W. H. =} comicbooks.com