Life — August 24, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CIENTISTS claim that the North Pole is gradually moving South. Maybe it will discover Dr. Cook yet. JL A general strike has begun in Rome. When in Rome you do as Announcement that one of the uni- versities will measure the mental ca- pacity of freshmen was really the first intimation that instruments of the necessary fineness had been invented. Problem in Muscovite Mathematics: If two herring cost 769,465,982 roubles, what will it cost to paper the Winter Palace in denominations of 100,000? aL the rest of the world does. AL The news that Germany favors the no-more-war movement is a good deal like hearing that a conven- tion of fish has taken a stand against hooks. JL Whenever the indemnity falls due, the Allies pre- pare for another German gas attack. aL Statistics compiled by the “Rock the Boat’ League prove that it’s safer to blow out the gas than to step on it. JIL Treland, it seems, is intent on making itself the ex- ception that proves the home rule. When a woman finds time for reflection—she looks in a mirror! aL The Greeks and the Turks are fighting over Smyrna, but the United States will keep its hands off. We don’t care a fig. aL If you've got to see a busi- ness man who is “in con- ference,” send word that you are a bootlegger. Old Bill Nickel Bill Pringle’s boy fell clean upstairs last Friday. was standing in the hall when a cyclone turned the house upside down. Isn't it about time that the stories of the Hearst Gubernatorial chances were stowed away amongst the myth balls? aL The United States is going to appoint a fuel director. Pronounced “fuel.” JL Duluth intends to present a furnished house to Walter Hoover, who won the Diamond Sculls at Henley in July. If Walter is a wise young man, he will look up the history of Admiral Dewey before he accepts. The Irish, says a states- man, must carry out the treaty in their own way We thought that was what they were doing. A new book on “The Pri- vate Character of Queen Elizabeth” should interest readers who didn’t know she had any. The difference between a bachelor and a benedict is that one longs for the He impossible and the other has married her. aL They are appointing Dic- . aL The man who introduced the ukulele into Hawaii is dead. They are still looking for the man who introduced it into the United States. JL A woman is suing for $2,000 because she found a collar button in a piece of cake. In the old days people used to find a whole collar on a glass of beer and they never said a word about it. And now it is claimed that Hearst is only using Hylan as a stepping- stone. A lot of people would like to use him for a front porch. JL Upton Sinclair has announced him- self as a candidate for the United States Senate from California. Add Lire to the list of wicked cap- italist publications that do not sup- press the announcement. tators to run every form of business—baseball, movies, thea- tres and restaurants—and it is to be assumed that the craze will spread Perhaps someone will appoint a Mayor, or something like that, who will actually run New York City. In the future, those belligerent European diplomats who regard war as a game should be compelled to play all games on the home grounds. comicbooks.com