Life — July 20, 1922 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Horoscope for This Week ‘HIS week presents a most inter- esting array of planetary con- figurations. The entire zodiac turns a back-flip and the constellations of Cancer and Lumbago change places with those of Capricorn and Demi- Virgin. Scorpion and Tarantula drop out of sight altogther and do not reappear until next April Fool’s Day, although there are receptive manifestations on False Face Night, when the autumnal equinox begins, which look like the wandering signs of the zodiac but are really He-Goat and Water-Wagon in disguise. Those born on July twenty-eighth (if male or female) will, therefore, be suc- cessful, happy, prosperous, popular, and if they are careful and go to Sunday school regularly, immortal. To achieve the full fruits of your genius you should be allowed to have your own way all the time and be liberally supplied with money by your parents, your husband, or other source of loot. The chief menace to your success is the possibility of fraud, misrepresentation, or some subtle attack on your general sanity. Beware of all advice from false friends, charlatans, and people who want to exploit your credulity, for you are a trusting soul, and good- hearted to a fault. Also look out for pickpockets, corn whisky, and open manholes. Buy the Witch’s Dream Book and study it carefully every day. You will find that as a guide to life and conduct it is as good as any other, if not better. E. E. P., Jr. Lights HERE are happy lights and lonely lights That seem to call to me, And white, far-reaching, lights That shine across the sea. warning The twinkling lights of villages, The steady lights of town, And red and amber signal lights Like jewels in a crown. The square-faced, tall old lamp-post lights, And misty lights through rain, And at the shrines the candle lights, To soothe poor souls in pain. I think that in some heaven house, Behind some jasper door, The light my mother trims for me Makes shadows on the floor. Shoe Clerk: What size, please? Absent-Minded Customer: Oh, about sixteen ard a half—soft. How They Came to Asbury Park ROM the east came the mer- maids that bright summer's morning, with shining faces and twining yellow hair, and with songs on their smiling lips. Heralded by myriad poets in many tongues t ey came, every stroke of their snow- white arms bringing them nearer to the shore of the western continent where a vast throng was assembling to bid them welcome. The first to note their approach were two New Jersey hotel-keepers, and these lifted their voices in a joy- ous cry of “The sea serpent!” that sent the local correspondents scurry- ing to the telephone booths. “Sea vamps!” screamed the Purity League; “married men out of the water without delay!” but the hus- bands feigned deafness and pushed farther out into the surf. The many censors who guard our native shores came hurrying down the strand, waving their tape mea- sures and shouting, “Not an inch above the knee!” A great wave dashed the strange visitors far up the beach and a wail of disappointment and disgust filled the air, for the newcomers had no legs, but instead a fish-like append- age that not even the sternest moral- ist who ever sought to standardize virtue could censor. The married men regarded the ex- hibit with chill disapproval; the guardians of the beach dropped their tapes with regret, but the Purity League, which dies hard and never surrenders, inspected them closely and said in the voice of finality: “They must provide themselves with longer scales. At present they are quite nude in spots.” J. 2. Pe Not Focused ACQUELINE stood under a spreading chestnut tree. The leaves combined beautifully with the soft green of the grass, the air was clear and bright, the hills stretched in grandeur, and in the distance a little brook cascaded over the rocks. It made a beauteous picture, but Jac- queline was the loveliest part of it Yet she was a very, very modest girl and was altogether unconscious of her beauty. The sad part of the story is that the man with her was just as un- conscious of it as she was. comicbooks.com