Life — July 13, 1922 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Open Letters to Inanimate Objects ESSRS. Hammer, Screwdriver & Gimlet. Gentlemen: When I took you into my domestic bosom and agreed to shelter you and keep you pure and spotless, I ‘thought it was fully understood between us that you were to be on hand for every emergency. Instead of which, you persistently refuse to show up. Your unwillingness to keep me in- forme! as to your whereabouts is the cause of constant irritation, Gen- tlemen. you are breaking up my home )y your neglect. For the love of A let me know where you are hiding yourselves. Ineffectually yours, * * * Dear !iderdown Quilt: Lasi night at eleven o'clock, in the confident belief that you would stick 11) me, I decided to try sleeping on the porch. What I want to know is, Where were you at two o’clock in the rning? You had deserted your hed post, leaving me to shiver until well after dawn. This habit of yours of slipping away by yourself OR over ten qeneeabend the lovely on the floor is causing more suffer- Bee who have used Pears’ Soa ing | anguish than you realize. h b ‘di th: P Always be on top—why not adopt ave been convincing evidence that it that as your motto? Pneumoniacally yours, * * * Office Filing System & Co. Dear Sirs: My object in writing this note is not to irritate you or misjudge you, but simply to see if I can get on better terms with you. Permit me, in the first place, to congratulate you on the way that you never talk back. I feel that everything I confide in you is perfectly safe—even from my- self. Although I have been du- ously feeding you on all sorts of ideas, including bromides, for sev- eral months now, I cannot even find Sure Relief FOR INDIGESTION 6 Beans ad = | Hot water ==) Sure Relief SELL-ANS 25¢ ann 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHERE Cry is “Matchless for the Complexion” “Good morning! Have you used Pears’ Soap?” out whether the diet is agreeing with you or not. Although you have kept all the dates I have made with you, nobody knows what they are. Life with you appears to be one mis- placed folder after another. In the future may I not count upon you to respond to my addresses? Interrogatively yours, My Dear Flas! Yours received and contents noted. You grow dearer to me all the time; you are constantly filling me with joy and enthusiasm. I notice, how- ever, that your spirits are not quite so good as they used to be. The last time I passed an evening with you, you knocked me out in three rounds. Brace up, old fellow! Always re- member that the worst is yet to come. In spite of all your short- comings I am completely hipped with you. Mysteriously yours, A Daisy in My Rose Garden ORMAL garden, well-planned, precise, Is the garden of my heart, Each love, for mother, husband, brother, A rose, in its plot apart. But an outlaw daisy has crept in, Wind-sown in the roses’ beds. I must dig it up, this dear wild love, For it spreads, and spreads, and spreads, M. UW AreYou Interested in Theosophy? Theosophy explains all the problems of life. Send for free booklets on Rein- carnation. : Lif inequalities, how to harmonize them with a Plan of Infinite Justice. The reason for the birth of genius and idiot, saint and criminal is a problem which worries every just thinking man, All the world is interested—must be. Theosophy holds the explanation. Write Propaganda Dept., Theosophical Society, 826 Oakdale Ave., Chicago, Ill. comicbooks.com