Life — June 1, 1922 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

By Magnificent New CUNARD S. S. ‘“‘SCYTHIA”’ Specially Chartered Twin-Screw Turbine Oil-Burner, 21,500 Tons Sailing Feb. 6, 1923, returning April 9, visiting EGYPT . Madeira, Spain, Gibraltar, Algiers, Sicily, Holy Land, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Riviera, Monte Carlo The “Scythia”. is a veritable floating palace, with spa- cious decks, lounges, veranda cafes, 2 elevators, com- modious state-rooms with running water and large ward- robes; bedrooms and suites with private baths. The very finest cuisine and service. (Only one sitting for meals.) Free optional return passage at later date by any Cunard steamer from France or England. Rates, $600 and up, including shore excursions and all expenses. Early reservations advisable. JUN Full information on request FRANK TOURIST CO. 489 FIFTH AVE.,NEW YORK ésveviseeow7s 219 So.15"°ST., PHILADELPHIA Waiter: 1 hope she says “yes” before he pays his bill. k always makes a big diff’rence in the tip. on that basis? Would it not be better for me to rest my case on the strength of the things I never did? In the obit- criticisms and never once used the word “personality.” He never wrote “so to speak.” He never used the phrase “of it all.” In quoting such a line as “But, of, the difference to me!” he would mt uary in my home-town paper, let them say this of me: He never wrote the word “anent.” He never, never called children “the kiddies.” When he wanted to say: “But that’s another story,” he did not feel impelled to add: “As Kipling would have said.” He wrote thousands of dramatic Continuous music. Bub- bling gayety; sparkling } life. Cool, eek 2 on the rgth floor of A The BILTMORE 2D DS Do He never used the phrase “as it | were.” He contrived a thousand newspaper headlines and never once replaced “Them” by “’Em” under the impres- sion that that made the headline funny. When wishing to say that “Ethan Frome” was the best short story ever written by an American or that “The Greek Commonwealth” was the best historical work ever written anywhere, he never sneaked in a “probably” or a “perhaps” under the delusion that in some way it would give him a judicious air or a suggestion of profundity. He never strung together a lot of play-titles under the impression that | there is humor in such a narrative as “‘Bluebeard’s Eighth Wife’ became ‘The Wife With a Smile’ when she saw ‘Kiki’ and ‘The Grand Duke’ ‘Get To- gether’ in ‘Blossom Time.’” He never sent Lire a joke about the difference between a pessimist and an optimist. He wrote 300,000 words about the war without using the word “comrades” or phrase “supreme sacrifice.” He once wrote an article about Maude Adams and Barrie in which neither the word “charm” nor the word “whimsical” occurred. ‘THE CAREY PRINTING CO. Ino. ‘New York add: “as the poet—was it Wordsworth? —so beautifully phrases it.” Not whe he knew doggone well it was Word: worth and had looked it up in Bartlet. All in all, he wasn’t a bad chap. May his soul rest in peace! AW, —— LuncH In LONDON DINNER In P ARIS} les in 12! , is tay air-liners. The acme of speed—com- ist fort—convenlence. for booklet Daimler-Hire, Ltd., 244 Madison Ave., New York (i Phone Vanderbilt 8941 Sure Relief LS Wan gt SELL-ANS 25¢ ano 75¢ PACKAGES EVERYWHER comicbooks.com