Life — March 30, 1922 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IVIANI declares he is tired of at- tending sterile conferences that do not accomplish anything. He'd never make an American business man, Progress is hitting a fast clip, but the umpire has yet to use a vacuum cleaner in dusting off the home plate. JL Mr. Will Hays says that the movies are the great stabilizer. Augean Stabilizer? JL We didn’t raise our tax to be a bonus. There seems to be a ques- tion between the Free Staters and the Irish Re- publicans as to who can make the best Limerick. JL No matter how small the dog show is, every little yelps. -L Speaking of a sense of humor, how about that of the man who called: them the building trades? JL The perfect mechanical genius has been located down in Greenwich Vil- lage. He even has an at- tachment on his salary. aL The New York subways are to be ordered to stop overcrowding and go back to just crowding. JL It is reported that Alexander Graham Bell won't have a telephone near his study because it annoys him. Another Frankenstein. aL A live plesiosaurus is said to have been discovered in Patagonia. Are they making moonshine as far south as that? aL “Why has no life of Stephen Crane been written? H. G. Wells considers Crane the best writer of English in the last half-century.”—N. Y. Eve. Post. What more do you want? The Yankees are to pay Babe Ruth $500 for each home run. Sounds like buying shad roe by the egg. JL One consoling thought about prohibi- tion. You have to pay so much for a case of real stuff that somehow your in- come tax instalments seem compar- atively trivial. The Moth and the Flame Fiume_ revolutionists are receiving sympathy from Belgrade, says a news- paper account. A little soft Slav, we presume. aL Is the place where the censors review the movies called the objection room? Viscount Lascelles has gone to live with his wife’s parents at Buckingham, so things aren’t so very different even among royalty. JIL Now we know why “soldier” is ac- cented on the first syllable. Everyone who voted for Prohibition did so because someone else neeiled it JL Standard motto of all Western horse dealers: “We back up everything we sell.” SL The robber who tore off a woman's skirt to get $700 worth of Government bonds took Liberties. aL A warden claims _ that goat glands enabled two prisoners to scale the jail wall and get away. They ought to have known better than to use Rocky Mountain goats. JL Telephone girls seem to devote little time to their calling. One simply cannot argue with these Birth Control advocates — they're bound to avoid the issue. aL The three stages: 1900. fireless cookers: 1922, wireless phones: 1950, mireless politics. The man _ who wrote, “Wine is a mocker,” must have tried to make some. ' IL The judge who annulled a marriage undertaken under a hypnotic spell has been doing a rushing busi- ness ever since. JL A dollar is something on which you pay war tax. aL The Four-Power Treaty—three speeds forward and one reverse. +L Actress Escapes Death in Early Mort ing Hotel Fire——Headline. She leaped to fame in a single nightie. aL With a Fifth Avenue church urging parents to check children at the door, it only remains for a Broadway theatre to provide facilities whereby children may make similar disposition of parents. comicbooks.com