Life — March 23, 1922 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Judge’s Soliloquy (Apologies to Gilbert) HEN I went to the bar as a very W young man (Said I to myself, said I), I've lied as hard as I possibly can (Said I to myself, said I), From college and law school I’ve man- aged to wrench \ knowledge of contracts, the code, torts and French, Which should help me land on the Federal Bench (Said I to myself, said I). But when I have reached that com- mendable height (Sai I to myself, said I), I won't be contented—I shall not sit tight (Said I to myself, said I) ; For an even more dignified station I itch— A profession more cultured and pick- | gs more rich, Like fining and firing ballplayers and sich (Said I to myself, said I). Baron Ireland. Husbands HATE husbands; husbands who de- part on a three weeks’ hunting trip | and return unexpectedly two days later, husbands who are always worrying whether their wives are waiting for them, husbands who snore, husbands who watch me out of the corners of their eves when I am with their wives, husbands who address their wives as “Mother,” husbands who are always on the spot, husbands who are never on the spot, husbands who fondle their wives when I am present, husbands who hire detectives that wear black fedoras and gum shoes, to follow me, husbands who enter the conservatory unan- nounced, husbands who carry loaded revolvers, husbands who arrive home at four in the morning and tell their wives they have been working late, hushands who carry on an_ intrigue with their wives’ French maids, hus- bands who, pyjama’d and drowsy, kiss their ear wives good-night, then pro- ceed to get completely dressed and, tip- tociny to the street, hail the first passing usbands who remove all the loose sheke's from their trousers pockets | prior to retiring for the night, hus- bands who take their wives to mu- sical revues and flirt with the ladies of the ¢ horus, husbands who don’t take their wives to musical revues and don't flirt with the ladies of the chorus, hus- bands who get blind drunk and tell their wives it was I who tempted them with moonshine hooch, husbands who, when T am within earshot, call their wives “honey,” “bunny” and “baby” and when I am leagues off, address their spouses as “you poor fish.” The 16 Hour Shave is the Perfect Shave Vhe Shave That Lasts All Day F YOUR shave is going to last for all the waking day, it’s got to be a close and clean one, and smooth as well. The lather that merely works upon your beard won’t get you that. "When the lather of Williams’ Shaving Cream has thoroughly softened each hair until there remains only a minimum of resistance to the razor’s edge, it has done only half the job. Your skin must be prepared. Don’t forget that. It must be made flexible and supple. It must yield gently and evenly as the razor passes. There is no stiffness, no leathery “feel,” left in the face that has been well treated with Williams’ lather. Prepare both beard and skin with the lather of Williams’ Shaving Cream. Then your razor will cut close without irritation. Then you will have your 16 hour shave. Atrial size tube will teach you a lot. Just say“Shaving Cream”on a postal card and we will send you one at once; or use the coupon. (% Actual Size) Williams r eA TRIAL SIZE TUBE FREE | THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Glastonbury, Conn. Dept. 43 | Send me, free, a trial size tube of Shaving Cream | Name........ (i 1 Address. The Universal Language WE said it with flowers, we said it with books, We said it with kisses and hugs and fond looks. We said it with music, art, beautiful diction, We. said it with truth, and we said it with fiction. Alas! now we're wed and are tending our brood, Most of our time we just say it with food! J. R. H. comicbooks.com