Life — March 2, 1922 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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New Saxophone Book, tells how to use saxophones in trios, quartets, etc., and ex- plains superior’ features of jon, “*Suecess in Music and How to Win it,” by John iD ousa, tells opportuni with all band and orches- tra instruments, Send coupon, checking book you desire free. IC. G Conn, Ltd. 321 Conn Bidg, Elkhart, Ind. J of any instrument. LIFE - FO OLIS H “Nantucket’s Sunk” Many generations of New Englanders have laughed over the story of the Nan- tucket skipper who could tell where he was by tasting the sea bottom. Samuel E. Morison refers to the story in his “Maritime History of Massachusetts” (Houghton Mifflin Company). There are many versions, but this, says Mr. Mori- son, is the correct one: ‘apt. Phiney of the stanch sloop Penel- ope boasted he could tell within half a mile of where he was anywhere from Peaker Hill Bar to the tip of Nantucket shoals by tasting the material brought up by the sounding lead. Obed Fisher, his mate, thought he would call the old man’s bluff. One night when the captain was sleep- ing below, he wet and greased the lead, then rolled it in the earth at the bottom of a box which contained Nantucket tur- nips. Rousing the skipper, he thrust the lead in his face saying, “For the Lord’s sake, Cap'n, tell us where we be!” Hastily the skipper tasted, rolling the morsel on his tongue, then jumped from his bunk with a yell, “Nantucket’s sunk, Obed, and we're right over Marm Hackett’s garden!” —Literary Notes, Springfield Republican. In a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE The Light That Didn’t Fail From out of Maryville comes the story of a light that didn’t fail. The Tribune | reports that when a large negro was taken before a judge charged with the crime of carrying a half-brick concealed about his person, he got off scot-free when he explained that he merely wore it to light his matches on when he wanted to smoke. —Missouri Notes, Kansas City Times. Nerves of Steel Vell, so long,” said the aviator, non- chalantly, as he prepared to drop 5000 feet_earthward. “Pardon me for mentioning it,” said the pilot, “but you haven't hooked on your | parachute yet.” “Thanks, old top. In another minute | would have been gone without it.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. The New Labor Empioyer (to clerk who has mislaid papers): But what the devil can you have done with them? EmpLoyee (briskly): Well, sir, that is exactly what I have been saying to myself: “What the devil can I have done with them?”—Town Topics (London). As Usual As usual, my monthly allowance had run short. Home _went a telegram for money, as usual. Back came a check for half the amount I asked for, as usual. But I fooled them, for I had asked for twice the amount I needed, as usual. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl. Superior Stuff | on his funeral, and her own epitaph. “! “This is elegant whisky, Colonel. May I ask where you got it?” “Four years ago the field hands wouldn’t drink it, so it was stored in the | |attié. I ran across it the other day.” | —Louisville Courier-Journal. E.Z. ‘TRADE MARK REG. U. S. PAT. OFF, THE ORIGINAL wipe GARTER first today, as in 1915 SIX Y the FE Garter was the first and onl made on the wide-web princip! real comfort—no pinching veins and muscles. Today it is still first—and it } no slides or buckles to pinch t leg and groove the flesh. Ba patents protect you—look for 1) name E, Z, 35¢ to $1 here, in single a and_ the - 2-Grip and the n E. Z. Sport Garter The Thos. P. Conn, Made solely by . Taylor Co., Bridgeport “The Fittest” A dismal old lady was depressing her long-suffering husband h a monologue lang it all, missus,” he expostulated, as she meandered on about the length of their married life, and came to a hitch at the word “survi “How do you know you will survive ?) “L have survived,” she answered colilly. —London Morning 2 First Fiapper: Oh, you know that f low, do you? Then he’s a common quaintance. Seconp Farrer: Indeed he is. the last word in yvulgari —Sans-Géne (Pari P. C. (proposing): I want you to marr me, ’Etty and—er—anything you say may be used in hevidence against you —London Mail. 1 lead pear Lea thin Y Stat take back Con: on o cure tion what what has Pres¢ eithe comicbooks.com