Life — February 23, 1922 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Mr. Hays Gets Down to Business “7 DON’T think we can afford to let Miss Cutey go,” said the new mo- tion picture councilor as the directors took their seats. “Her father, back in Posey County, Indiana, carries his con. gressional district in his pocket and her Uncle George was one of our big workers in Hamilton County, Ohio, in 1920. I'd reduce her salary and cut her down to three pictures a year, but I would keep her. Then there’s this fellow Tom Trix. He’s got a big fol- J lowing among the ex-service men and | we don’t want to do anything to offend them this year. I could show you the figures on what the ex-soldiers did in the last election. Let’s keep Trix, at least until after November. Then we'll make:a new contract with him. “I've just had a fine report from Western Pennsylvania. All the county chairmen seem to be mighty well pleased with the way I’m handling this job. And we've got harmony at last in the district of Kansas. And let me read you a telegram I got last night from the chairman of Sangamon Coun- ty, Illinois. He sa: ‘Dear Wil Women leaning our way. Send ex hibitors nothing but emotional dramas from now on and we will elect whole ticket.’” McC. H. Modernized Wittts: How do you like living out at Knapps Creek Junction? Is it an up-to-date town? “Don’t you lie to me, Gawdge Washington. Is dat you in my chicken roos’?” Gitus: You bet. : The milkman will leave you a pint of milk and a quart of liquor every morning. Handicapped A AY my friends are writing memoirs, proof that I am growing old; Authors, actors, playwrights, statesmen tell us what can now be told. And I study their confessions, waiting for the time I shall Dare to be, as they are, frankly autobiographical. First you tell about your childhood, what your nurse and Pa mammy said bro When she kissed her little genius as she tucked him into bed; dist How at school you were not clever, but showed flashes now h and then Cha Of the greatness that was destined to be recognized by men. tii Yes, it is a great temptation,’ one that I could not resist, 7’ Presently to write my memoirs if the public should insist; I But I’m handicapped, I fear me, if this feat I dare to try, fal: 2 ik i F i oy For, like our great country’s Father, I can never tell a lie. “Stop your erying, you big baby. I can't spend all my life E. S. Van Zile. time mopping up your tears.” comicbooks.com